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Good morning, good evening, good night, good afternoon, whatever time you're listening
in, wherever you're listening from.
Shout out to my Spotify listenership, Apple and Google podcasts, and YouTube if you're
watching in.
Thanks for giving me a reason to get dressed.
You could have been anywhere in the world, but you're here.
Be present and recognize that it's now, right now.
Whether your right now is working, flying, running, driving, be thankful we're alive,
baby.
Failure can be frightening.
However, as Winston Churchill reminds us, success is all about going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.
This is I Will Not Lose Podcast, where we set out to prove everything is learned from failure, and we must persevere and recognize it as one step closer to success.
I'm your host, Tony Ortiz. Let's jump right in.
What's up? What's up? What's going on, everyone?
You're going to get a little bit different energy from me today.
this is the goal is to fail for where we kind of check back in see where we're at see if we're on
track and um not my i'll be straight up i'm not my normal cheery self you know i'm a little
irritated so i'll kind of open up with a story why i'm like this and then kind of talk myself
out of it and get back to my normal cheery self so i'm gonna let you guys come with me on my little
talk therapy session, but I've been pushing for season four to expand the show. Now, the past,
this is my first solo episode in almost three months. We've been having back-to-back guests,
amazing, amazing guests have been sharing their time with us. So super grateful for that. I don't
want it to come off in any way ungrateful about that, but I had an opportunity to have a panel
discussion and my technical limitations allow me for two mics. So I had it set up, but I always
knew I wanted to expand to four. No big deal. We're doing the show about a year, decided, okay,
it's time to expand. But instead of going and getting myself the equipment I need, I tried to
go the used route. So I find somebody that is selling an interface that can do what I need to
do. It's about 50 bucks cheaper than retail. I drive to Quakertown to get it. They broke it on
the way, removing it from their setup. So, okay. I find the same one online for cheaper than he had
it from Guitar Center. So they're a reputable source. They test their equipment. I go, I buy
it. I wait a couple of days. I still have the interview on for Friday. So it's now Tuesday or
So I get the interface.
I go and I set it up and it's fried.
I take it back to Guitar Center.
They realized that the actual cord that was shipped with it wasn't the same one.
So it would have fried the internals.
So, OK, can't do it.
Decide I'm not going to go three, four hundred bucks to solve my problem just yet.
I'm going to go one more time and try the used route.
so I drive back to guitar center well I try to drive back to guitar center to get a cord I need
to make what can work work and my tire's flat so there's a screw through my tire it must have went
down overnight my dad steps up gets off helps me and comes over and we change the tire so I'm on a
donut. I get over to Guitar Center. They're sold out of the cord that I need. And this is a cord
you can't find anywhere within an hour. So I finally at this point say, OK, we're going to
have to postpone the interview. I have a mixer coming in Saturday. So I go. I figure everything's
going to be good. I wake up yesterday. I'm recording now on a Sunday and get the mixer
out of the box. Everything's good. It's missing a cable. This is another one of those cables. It's
an older mixer, so you can't find it anywhere. I drive to Walmart. I drive to Best Buy. Can't find
it. I'm going on six days trying to solve this problem now. And at this point, I still have the
interview scheduled for sometime later this week, potentially. Yeah, I'm at my wits end. I'm getting
frustrated with this. I'm getting upset at, um, honestly people that wanted to see the show grow.
Like I'm having resentment towards everybody that told me it would be good idea to have multiple
guests and to grow the show and to do this. So, um, I had to check myself and, you know,
realize I wasn't being my own character. I wasn't being myself. Uh, there's no reason to have
resentment or anger. This was something that I wanted to eventually grow into anyway, and I'll
get there. But it reminded me the reason why I started the show, and it wasn't to let perfectionism
get in the way of doing anything. I mean, I said it back, maybe I'll cut in here to the first
episode where I said, I'm not going to be a perfectionist, but... So I hope you guys can
understand that. I'm not going to let my perfectionist make this not happen. But at the
same time, I do care very much for quality. This is for you. This is in service of you.
There is a certain level of, you know, it has to look so good because I'm a creative professional.
I can't put out dog shit. But that's not what makes the show. And I've let perfectionism get
in the way of stuff. I completely got tied up in trying to fix this problem instead of fixing it
the right way. I think honestly, what I'm going to do is I'm just going to buy the equipment that
I need. I plan on doing this for a long time. I'm just going to invest in myself. It's not a big
deal, but it taught me this lesson as I'm going through. I mean, when Gil Thompson was going to
drop his album a year ago. I had about two weeks to get the episode edited and recorded. But on the
day of recording, my smoke alarm was going off. I was sick, like it's in the recording. I'm coughing
and stuff. But we still pushed forward and we did it. And now it's a classic episode. So I don't
know what changed in a year that I'm suddenly like, oh, I can't do the show because I don't
have four channels and able to have extra guests like we'll make it happen we'll share a damn mic
if we have to like when we started the show when Gil came over the mics were tied to a monitor
stand like the swivel mounts for the dual monitors it was coming up out of here and it was holding
the mic and you could only go in one direction turning it it wasn't like these arms we have here
And it's amazing that your mentality could change so much from never having the tools.
I never had all the tools that I needed to do what I do professionally.
And I've been doing it for 15 years.
But it strikes up a pain point in me.
You know, I'm like, why don't I deserve?
And then here I go with my entitlement.
Oh, yeah.
You know, I should just be able to have the equipment to do what I need to do.
it's like, come on, man, get off your high horse, do what you have to do. People know me,
even people that I was trying to complain to this about, you know, shout out to my boy, Johnny. He's
like, you always, you always stretch it through and make do with what you have. It always comes
out fine. You know, let it go. We have a music video we're dropping next month. Uh, it's my
first time actually announcing it. I've hinted at it before, but it's all done and it's set up
and it looks damn good. And we shot it on a cell phone. I mean, get out of here. Who am I to say
that you need the best tools in the market in order to put out something acceptable? It's a
free podcast for sake. Like, oh man, I got so in my way. I got so in my own way about trying to
make everything run perfect and run it through the AI so it can cut the camera angles. And it's
like a year ago, we didn't even have AI. They were just starting to talk about chat GPT a year ago.
Who knows it would have been ingrained in our workflow. And it's like making us lazy. It's like,
come on, you could do a little more editing. You could do this stuff. You can patch it together. I
mean, we were recording on a cell phone for the first year. This would probably be the first
episode that goes out in full HD. Like we've been using a 720 camera. We've been using a blurry
camera angle on me for the past year and it hasn't stopped us. The show has grown in listenership and
I was, uh, I had the pleasure of speaking to a listener the other day and she's telling me,
I've loved the run that you have, the direction you're doing with the guests. And no matter what
the episode, I listened to everyone and I gained something from everyone. So it's like, wow,
people are listening and you are making an impact. So I apologize for coming off in, you know,
you come to this show for, um, for therapy and for motivation as well. And I use this show for
therapy myself. So I had to get on here. I had to vent and also just check myself to tie it into
the theme of the podcast, you know, this whole episode should be on perfectionism. Like they
have that meme of the person with all the bricks scattered around and they're trying to be perfect
and think how to stack them. And then you have the other guy that's just stacking them one by one,
one by one. And the next thing you know, he's got a wall there. The show will grow. Thank you for
all your donations. Thank you for all your support, all your comments, liking, subscribing.
I mean, it's easy to get caught up in, oh, we need to do this to grow and to get viewership
and to, um, you know, grow the numbers, but like, I'll say it, fuck the numbers.
Shout out to you that take something from every episode and takes the time out of your
day to take 20 minutes to an hour to listen to what I have to say or what my network has
to say.
That is so cool.
And there's people that, you know, how I can't be ungrateful.
There's people that wish they have a platform to be able to just put free speech out there.
And hopefully it motivates somebody.
You know, you all you all get caught up.
Everybody gets caught up and they want the million views.
They want the numbers, the popularity that comes with it.
But that's really just for the dopamine response that you get from it.
You know, it does bother me to put out a show that's not what I think would be, quote unquote, perfect. But at the same time, I know what it takes to get to that level and what it takes to do that and the staff that it takes to put together a completely well run show.
So it's never been about that even when I started.
That's why every three months I come in, I do, the goal is to fail.
Because if I don't remind myself, then what is this failure?
Because every failure is enough to knock you down.
Every knockdown is enough to take you out of the game.
Now you got a 10 count.
Get up.
Get up, soldier.
Keep it moving.
You know, don't quit.
So I'm telling you as much as I'm telling myself.
There's no need for, you know, I'm contemplating whether I want to do a hiatus and get everything
the way that I want it before I go from there or just scale back for Q4.
We've got a few weeks.
We've got about a month until season four, so I'll figure it out.
I don't have an answer for you just yet, but if this episode does air, at least we're doing
it for another two weeks, man.
I just hit record and got on the mic.
I wanted to be absolutely real with everybody, let them know where I'm at.
Not everything is always sunshines and rainbows, and it's important to share that.
It's important to get it off your chest, you know?
I feel silly even complaining about some of the stuff that has me really worked up and upset about it.
But it's funny.
I mean, it makes a story for the podcast.
I didn't even get into the whole flat tire.
And it was funny because my guest was going to bring a piece of equipment that would have
allowed us to do it.
And they ended up forgetting it.
So just nothing aligned, nothing aligned.
We had snuck like this tiny window in between when they were available to do it.
It just, it didn't work out.
So we'll still continue to bring you some awesome guests.
I have a, I have at least a dozen people that would love to get on the show and I'm scheduling
everything out to be able to get everybody, but it's going to run into next year.
Our guest schedule is definitely going to run into next year.
So big shout out to that, man.
Imagine creating something.
Imagine just putting a couple of mics on talking and then growing something that a network
of people want to be around and grow a value and take value from, you know?
but there's stuff that goes on behind the scenes that i don't share i had two guests in the past
month or two where uh the computer crashed for one we lost the whole recording and i didn't want
to put cell phone audio out we had a great conversation but maybe i'll put it out as bonus
content and people who are really interested because i still have it and it was a great
conversation. And then the other one, we have the, uh, video cut out. So we have a mixed camera
angles, but if I put it out, I could still put out the audio so I can go there. I could start
there. Two pieces of bonus content upcoming, you know, but I felt bad. They, I was more worried
about it than my guests were. They were like, it's cool. We had a great conversation. I'm like,
no, I wasted all your time. But that's where this perfectionism gets me, man. I know it gets a lot
of us, but I hope you can relate. You just want something to be good. You know, you just want
something to be good. And whether or not people are grateful for it or not, there's people that
have come to me and said, it'd be cool if you got a guest of this status or something. And I'm like,
yeah definitely in in due time but there's some interesting people with stories on a local level
and just servicing that community that's a good place to start for right now well i got my vent
session off i'm not sure how long i've been going i can't see over there but it doesn't matter i
feel it was a good episode it was worth putting out best thing i could do is say stop the
perfectionism. You know, just put something out. I'd love to see what you create. I'd love to see
what you put out. I'd love to see what moves you and what inspires you. And perfectionism will get
in the way of all of that stated above. So thank you for listening to another episode of I Will Not
Lose Podcast. To support the show, visit IWillNotLosePodcast.com. You can subscribe to
your favorite podcast player, share the episode link, leave a comment. Your contribution is
greatly appreciated. And if you're listening in and can't see the QR code for donation,
go to tothedesigner.com slash links, and there's instructions to donate up there. Thanks so much.