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yo yo yo good morning good evening good night good afternoon whatever time you're listening in
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good about the extra level of production to be able to make this a video as well as an audio
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to i will not lose podcast right now take a moment be present and recognize that it's now
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really curious about my listeners you know uh you guys make it real other than that it's just me and
uh, me and my guests here in a basement. So let's be grateful. We're alive. Failure can be
frightening. However, as Winston Churchill reminds us, success is all about going from
failure to failure without losing enthusiasm. This is, I will not lose podcasts. Let's jump
right in. Uh, my second episode did not age well. Um, I was making attempts to defend or at least
empathize with uh yay and then he just went completely off the handles so um a lot of this
conversation i'm not going to give a ton of fuel to it and this is not a news source you guys know
what he said i'm not going to quote it uh not even for fear of copyright but just because i don't
think it should be repeated it's it's really like uh it's really messed up man it's really
messed up when you have alex jones kind of taken aback and saying hey you might want to dial that
back a little bit it's messed up so we'll get into it i'll tell you exactly what happened at least
but i do want to spend some time this podcast talking about mental health um my attempt with
episode two about telling kanye to be impeccable with his words was to paint a picture and not
attack freedom of speech or say that you can't say what you want you know you do have a freedom
of speech protected by our first amendment but there are uh there are amendments to that there
are you know it's not just as cut and dry as you could say whatever you want so it was an attempt
to do that it was an attempt to separate mental health as an excuse because everything is synonymous
with Kanye being bipolar you know um and it's it's a stigma that's real so even myself coming
out publicly as a bipolar I'm not gonna get it right it's one or two uh I'm the one where it's
much longer phases but either way I we got to educate people because to think that mental health
or uh an episode makes you say things there's there's parts of Kanye that are flawed we have
to denounce racism and bigotry in all uh in all forms so before i jump on my soapbox kanye had
went on the info wars podcast uh or television show with alex jones and there were different
highlights and reels i don't think the full interview has been pulled you may be able to
get it at some point but he said amongst other things that he loves jewish people but
yay loves hitler uh alex jones said you know the fashion you know you like the uniforms kind of
gave him a chance to to get out and he comes back and says uh no i i love nazis um i'm not going to
as i said pull it or get the exact quote so i employ you like i do with everything the reason
why i started a long form podcast is do your research look for the full conversation and you
can check the context um that's what i did and it's like wow he said this he means this so a
month ago i'm talking about his spiraling out of control and talking about how it could turn into
and people think i'm crazy for saying that this sort of behavior being normalized or having a
celebrity figure promote anti-semitic thoughts and beliefs could lead to another holocaust
well he sure went death con 3 i know it's not death con it's def con but clearly he didn't
know what it meant he had a different intent with it you know kanye's not the great with his words
and i encourage to be impeccable about it so um i did look listen back to that episode uh there's
nothing i want to denounce i don't think you could defend the man but i i think i want to
double down on the fact that bipolar nazi anti-semitic black man crazy these should not
be synonymous words these should not be something that goes hand in hand with oh if you're bipolar
you must be anti-semitic so i check off a lot of boxes that kanye checks off so for me personally
it's like man do you see you not see what you're doing do you think I don't know that when I come
out publicly as bipolar that that could hurt me professionally that that could change people's
viewpoints of me that that could cause judgments because of a stigma I'm absolutely aware of that
and I create content putting out and promoting education of mental health because I get it
depression anxiety they're cut and dry people can say oh yeah i've talked in front of people i
understand anxiety i can kind of empathize with living your life like that but then they see what
anxiety can really do and cave your chest in and it's like oh wow i had no idea people are dealing
with managing these kinds of emotions and stuff so it's easy we want to simplify things and we
want to say oh well that guy's depressed that guy's anxious but when you get into bipolar it's
So, put it this way, people who are bipolar don't even completely understand bipolar.
And there's documentation and DSM-5 and all sorts of stuff on it.
It varies from person to person.
Your brain is different.
It's a scale.
Episodes are different from people to people.
There's similarities that could be documented, but there's not enough education even for if you have to live with it and it's a life or death situation.
So if I could just take one little piece, why do I come out publicly as having this mental health condition? Because it's one thing I could do towards education and getting it to possibly be normalized where somebody can empathize and not judge to a stigma.
uh you have tv you have depictions of bipolar people as essentially making a choice to be out
of control crazy like don't get me wrong it's scary like you throw on top of that i'm a large
man and i can have an episode in public like that could end fatally not for anyone that i'm attacking
or anything like that because i'm not violent but i could be killed i could be put down and
you know what people looking at the video would just look at the fact that i was appearing erratic
they would jump to all sorts of conclusions on what sort of stuff i was on and they would say
that was a good shoot so uh why do i have to live my life this sort of way and be in a light of
okay well kanye's going off the rails he must be crazy he must do this i'm sick of the comments
and the rhetoric that I'm seeing and then I say wait Tony step back can't be mad at somebody for
not knowing or for stigmatizing or for not saying I want to go along with the ride with you of
promoting or doing this I can completely understand that but there needs to be education
there needs to be somebody giving people a chance so not exactly I was looking for the exact clip
where i said it and if i didn't say it i'll say it again i do not want anti-semitism bigotry
racism and bipolar mental health to be synonymous and that's the path we're headed with so um
should kanye get a pass you know what let's take some time on this when everybody said something
when kanye had made the comments about jewish people controlling the media and having an agenda
to control the black voice and his tyrant that he went on that went viral it caused a you could see
there needed to be education because the conversation became well i don't understand
what was so bad like i would love to control like man black people would love to control the
the media and be rich and do all this stuff and people didn't understand how it could lead so i
did a whole episode about how this could lead to a holocaust and it was somewhat defendable and
everybody had the memes of i stand with yay and yay 2024 and let's not forget about college drop
out and like don't get me wrong man it's one of my favorite albums of all time but we can't take
something that a man did 15 20 years ago and say it gives him a pass to for this sort of behavior
so what sort of passes have i heard that kanye gets a pass for his music which
at least his music is that good that people think that it can give a pass for
anti-semitic races bigotry but um hey i get it uh pass for being black um this is such a weird one
and i'm not going to have this conversation alone i'd be happy to invite anybody on the podcast to
have a conversation about it but it's weird when you get into things where you know saying a word
from one race versus saying it from another race has different meaning and intent you get a pass
towards saying it um there's almost a thing of you know and if you check back on my episode i'm
very careful i am not a master on jewish culture i wasn't raised around jewish people i have a
certain reservation to speak on it as though i know i'm willing to be educated but if for the
chance that somebody looks at me as a voice of reason and says hey i want to hear understand the
way he does i have to only share my perspective and come with the disclaimer that people need to
do their own research and don't put me on a pedestal i'm not a you know um not an icon or
anything like that excuse me i would say all right so without deep diving into whether or not
race should give you the option to talk about other races or talk about your own race
um it's it's weird it's a touchy subject it's just something that goes i mean you have the
n-word and then you have somebody like drake who believe half black doesn't look traditionally
african um and is i believe half jewish surprised this hasn't been brought into the conversation
but yeah i mean he lets the m word fly all the time on music and it's like well he's doing it
in context it's it goes with the culture so it's a strange conversation and not one that i'm it's
one i'm gonna end right here and have when we can deep dive into it i don't like just my thoughts
on something uh so like controversial that could be broken down or that i could be educated on
myself. So does he get a pass for being bipolar and manic? This is where we're going to spend
some time now. Absolutely not. That's my feeling. But that is also coming from somebody who feels
accountable for all of the mistakes, if you want to call it, that I made. When you are in an
episode, you may not even know you're in an episode. It takes a lot of work to be able to
recognize you know you're just dealing with emotion think about when you're in an argument
with somebody and you just start throwing the worst things at them because you just want to
hurt them you're not thinking about all the consequences and how your words can hang you're
just playing off emotion so try to imagine riding that roller coaster of okay i'm just feeding into
emotion but right now mine makes me want to absolutely scream i feel uncomfortable with
myself i want to run really fast um these are some that that come out with me but i if i get
into legal trouble because i'm in an episode i have to accept that legal trouble and i take
so many steps i did a whole 10 minute monologue uh before i decided to get into podcasting full
time and um i did my best to explain my experience with bipolar and mania and you know what it what
did it hurt me professionally i guess i'll never know because people who will judge me or not do
business because of something look i get it that's your prerogative if you think that i'm erratic or
irrational but i guarantee you that if i didn't come out as bipolar you would never know because
I am actively taking medication. I'm actively going to therapy. I'm actively journaling my
behavior. I'm literally wearing a smartwatch right now, not because I care what time it is,
but because it needs to track my steps. It needs to let me know if my heart rate is going crazy
or anything. I mean, it's nuts what technology can tell you before you actually feel it.
So if I'm going to go through all these steps and take it in order to be accountable,
just for the simple fact that i might be on low sleep be having a bad day and want to run out of
my house because i'm unmedicated and yeah i didn't want to take the medicine and it's not like i just
didn't take it that day but i'm actively not taking medicine for a long time it takes a long
time for these drugs to build up in your system and it takes a long time to get it right god bless
you if your first medicine got you stable. Um, it just doesn't happen. It's the brain,
it's the human brain. Give these doctors some credit. And you go back and see me when I was
19, I was not a fan of doctors or the whole field in general, but you know what? They are working
with one of the most intricate and complex things known to man. And I don't know, give them a pass
if anything so kanye is openly admittedly not under any sort of medication or therapy
is clinically diagnosed as bipolar and i don't know if he's said he's in a manic episode uh nobody
first off you can't just like it's extremely hard for a mental health professional to
diagnose it's easy for anybody i mean kanye's not a dumb man he could very easily be googling the
symptoms of something and acting out because he knows it's a conversation i'm not going to put
that past him i'm not going to put past that although he may have deeply rooted beliefs he
may have known what he was going to spark up doing this he's actively knows how to stay in
the conversation on the internet i shouldn't be doing another podcast about him or giving him any
attention after this last stunt but you know what i can't say what's going to happen in a week or
two so we'll see but you have an active duty to respond you have a responsibility to society just
in the way that a vet coming back from war has to take steps in order to re-acclimate to society
this is a real thing mental health is a real thing and people don't have the resources you
see the vet problem that we have i'm not a uh expert on that but i know somebody who uh does
actively work with vets who is a vet herself i'm gonna invite my uh my cousin i'm she doesn't know
this this is i'm just coming to me right now so i'm gonna ask her before i put her name out there
but that'd be really cool to have a conversation and bring some awareness to mental health when it
comes to veterans so if you have an active duty and you're still held liable i mean you if you
go through the military and you're trained in combat and this is going to be controversial but
you can be good at being a killer you can have a psychopathic wiring in your brain have less
empathy, less hesitation, time to kill, insanely focused on a mission, whereas a normal wired brain
doesn't work under those conditions. Let's not ignore violence in the world and try to pretend
like, I get it, I'm all for peace and I'm not violent, but violence does exist and we are a
species that has been born so psychopathics played a large part in our evolution there
if i would say like a societally necessary uh no that's not i don't want to say necessary but they
significant there you go they're significant they add something to the experiment of sociology
so if you think about uh and i'll go into this in general but nice segue like i believe
that adhd if i hate the word disorder or disease because that just means that less people have it
just means that it's not the majority minority doesn't always mean wrong so when you have
something like uh the smaller percentage of it it just um which i think like it kind of skews the
numbers um but i think that we would have never left the caves i don't think we would have ever
ventured out i think that an add mind doesn't get complacent and i don't have adhd my
uh qualification to speak on it is i am around most of my close contacts and work professionals
are diagnosed um yeah don't mean to put you out there but trust me people having adhd is
the stigma i don't think is as bad as bipolar schizophrenia things like that not to
compare or do anything like that but so how do we educate how do we let people know the work that
has to go how do you you know support someone who is going through that and even know that no matter
If you take all those steps, and I just got to be a realist right now, even though I take medicine, go to therapy, exercise, do all the stuff that you're supposed to do, check off all the boxes, I can still have an episode at any given time.
That's just the reality of the disease.
My brain could rebel against the medicine.
The medicine could stop working.
It's working right now, and that's why I'm constantly tacking and changing course to make sure that, you know, just making little adjustments to stuff.
It's what you have to do.
let's give credit to people who are putting that sort of work in because you have that
responsibility as a society so now the question is does mania or bipolar make you go off and say
i love hitler um let's really think about this there's thoughts of grandeur there's like and
people don't understand what that means thoughts of grandeur is not so much like okay i want a
louis vuitton and stuff like that's that's a form of it but the grandiosity thought i'm sorry that
is thoughts of grandeur the grandiose thoughts or whatever the dsm-5 has it like when you start
thinking world changing world like you want to change the world um and you have the energy to
do it right now that's like sort of uh manic behavior so um if he is in a state he's been in
there for a long time and at this point would need hospitalization you can't just uh like get
yourself out of mania it does require hospitalization usually so um until he wants to get that help he's
not going to get it um give me a second give me a second so i have people asking what it's like to
be manic and i will get personal here and share some of my own experience but just know this is
my experience and this is not diagnoses if you think you have symptoms like this talk to a
professional don't go on the internet and try to diagnose yourself you know that's that's never a
good idea but even if you're even if you are bipolar and you're educated on what mania is
you could be in it and not know you slipped into it so it's a scary reality that i always deal with
um there are some pleasurable parts of it um i mean you're essentially stuck happy so it's not
like uh normal happy like yeah i just won something and and to be honest i will i'll go out there and
say i don't know what normal happy is you know i've always experienced things at extremes being
bipolar but i do know that um you just be excited about life about yourself okay we'll put it this
way a good quote that i saw on reddit somebody had said hypomania which is like a smaller form
of mania people don't know about um doesn't last as long isn't as intense that hypomania makes you
feel like you're hang on a second i don't want to mess the quote up yeah i'm gonna drop that
all right i'll just wing it pretty much essentially says hypomania feels like i have godlike powers
mania is i am god um that's not like like that's coming from a completely god complex
egocentric type thing like you think you're super smart you you really like it would explain a lot
of uh the ego in general i don't know that i've ever experienced an ego as large as kanye
but when you have something like uh i heard this from bill burr's monologue and bill burr go and
look it up because he can make it funny uh this clip didn't age well but he says my only regret
and this is a quote from kanye my only regret is that i will never get to see myself perform live
holy shit but bill burr goes on and says you take an ego like that and you put in a white man and
he starts yelling in german obviously mimicking adolf and it's just like wow that was i forget
when the clip was but it wasn't recent so this is something we've seen coming this isn't super
shocking uh it's following a playbook like i said of like a donald trump or somebody and especially
when he's running for president and is extremely you know attracted to other men with large egos
um this is just this is what you get so will he admit or want he needs help i don't know
can't do it, can't help him, can't really put any energy towards it. I've switched gears and it's
really just going to be about educating people. See, the reason why I try to empathize with people
with ADHD or with different mental health or just different mentalities than my own,
mental health is an oxymoronic thing because it's like I'm mentally healthy because I'm medicated,
But yet I have a disease that makes me unhealthy.
So I don't know what that means, but that's my rant on mental health.
I got to educate people at the sake of or at the risk of committing professional suicide or societal or what people judge me, whatever my network.
I speak out on this stuff.
And my only qualification is that I live with it and have experience and will live with it forever.
I don't have a psychology degree or anything, but I promise you if things kick off and I didn't have to worry about the daily grind, I would go and get educated in psychology and I would enter the field of being like a counselor or a therapist only because I think it's lacking in the, I think there just needs to be, there needs to be therapists.
I think it's something I could be good at. But how until I can take off four years and go to school or whatever it takes or work full time while going to school and drop the podcast and run the business for right now, I'm just going to continue to put out education and stand as an example of, oh, wow, that guy seems like he kind of got it together.
He's bipolar. You sure? You sure he's bipolar? I think he's just going with the trend. That's the best ever thing. You know, mental health is trending so much that I think it's a good thing. I'm okay with people claiming that they have mental health just because it would get them some sort of publicity or something like that. But that's not my case. That's not why I do it.
I think it's still a little bit early but it does push the conversation more and more
so people are starting to get educated people will listen to this podcast and say oh wow it's not just
somebody's out of control somebody freaks out or somebody has multiple personalities that's the
other thing people oh bipolar by two yeah that must mean that you have two personalities yeah
so you're like a doctor and a latin professional and science mania i get it but anyway so we will
continue this battle to not make mental health synonymous with racism bigotry or anything like
that um somebody who did a great job of pulling it all together was uh dave chappelle in the snl
monologue that he did he you know go and look it up i'm not even going to quote uh i can't quote
the greatest one of the greatest speakers we have in our generation and quite possibly in a long time
you know this man um essentially shows kanye how to do it and says the same thing but he's just a
little more craftful with his words didn't offend anybody didn't get canceled but he goes and he
says something that kanye got so much trouble that kairi got in trouble and did speak a little bit
about uh what happened with kairi it just seems like this is anti-semitism is trending man it's
crazy but it has to become a teachable moment i used it to speak with my kids and see if they
understand why this stuff is dangerous you know um but yay yay can't articulate the greatest he
i forget who quoted it but they said he should have just made a song like people would have
listened to it and he could have got a message away i mean he he used to do that and put
things but now we have him just essentially going on podcasts and ranting and anybody who's taking
him especially at this point anybody who would take him on trying to be the next viral clip uh
it's just it's just no good but then again people are gonna flame me for even talking about him for
10 15 20 minutes i don't know how long we've been going but um yeah it's it's got to turn into a
teaching moment i will not lose stories of success learn from failure there can be a success the
success doesn't have to always be right now but we have to have a positive outlook so you know
people are saying where does he go from here what happens and it's they're all scary all of the
options that people are thinking for where he goes from here are scary even if they say he's
going to disappear for a few years and come back as a born-again christian guys he he already did
that he's already been doing the sunday service he's been you know religion has been a big part
of his branding for a long time so i don't know maybe he has that card maybe college dropout will
age so well that this this music people 20 years later will care about it i don't know i it's
i'm like at a loss it's so weird but you know as to quote yay we need to forget history it's
subjective we need to move forward okay so how about don't worship or idolize a historically
significant figure. I don't know. Give me a second. Let me look and see. So we're at 30 minutes.
For the sake of consistency, I'm going to start bringing it to a close. One conversation that I
want to have is empathizing with introverts. So I like to treat others how I like to be treated
and empathize with mentalities other than my own. And it brought a conversation up. I was listening
to empower 610 they dropped their podcast um i don't know this week it doesn't matter it's live
now by the time you're listening to this you can go on youtube and look up um empower 610's podcast
damn it what's the name of their what's the name of it give me one second empower 610 on youtube
yeah you can just search empower 610 your network is your net worth so they were talking about
networking and one of the hosts shout out to nice jones comes out as a introvert people know if you
know but he's coming out publicly shout out to that and lewis kind or lbj says wow um you have
a podcast how are you an introvert and you know shout out to those guys putting in the work because
it kept the conversation going like all great podcasts should and i'm having a conversation
with my mom who's an introvert and I'm saying would you ever go on to a podcast you know she
was like no absolutely not but then she said maybe the fact that there's no audience would
lend better to being able to podcast I said wow um I'm curious so I text uh nice and I was asking
him hey do you like how does it feel do you know is you in your uncomfortable zone and he pretty
much just said yeah it's uncomfortable but you shape your life about what you want to do he's a
professor public speaker i mean this is why people are so surprised that he's an introvert he's all
over social media has a huge following and it's like wow but he decided where he wanted to be in
his life and he said i'm i've got to be uncomfortable through these things but these
are things that i have to do so big shout out to nice big shout out to lbj big shout out to
empower 610 podcast really excited to see what these guys got going on so go ahead and check
out what they uh what they got going on and i will um i hate to say it like this because it's
a human but i'll get me an introvert i'll find an introvert to come on the podcast um or i'll
at least start asking people if they identify as introvert because i'd like to have the conversation
and see what the differences are like i know introverts like to spend time alone to recharge
and meditate be in nature things like that i need to do that too i just need to do it much less
if i am by myself for too long i definitely start to feel uncomfortable so i think it's just the fact
of whether or not you're energized when you're around people or not you know uh some of my most
energetic days i have four or five meetings a networking mixer in the evening and i'm literally
going and going from seven in the morning till seven eight at night and then getting to my
computer to check email and things like this and you know you just find yourself energized i find
myself energized right before i go to check you'd think at the end of meeting people and talking
with people all day you'd be sapped and when i talk to introverts they say i'm sapped after
talking to you but yeah really curious let's keep this uh this going one of the things i'm going to
be doing towards the end of the year towards the new years is taking a look back at the content
we created so far the goal was consistency so there's something you want to see more production
style more visuals you know let me know i'm open to it um but part of this was the the goal was to
be consistent so it's not to make perfect banger episodes every time i have no idea what's going on
in terms of what we talk about i put out in the beginning episode what i wanted to talk about
i know we've strayed just a little bit and that's because of uh realizations you know you put a
strategy you put a plan together and then you get punched in the face you're like okay we gotta
change a little bit you know um right now the podcast can hold two mics so if i were to have
two guests one of them wouldn't be miked up or we'd have to rig something up and split a cable
it just it wouldn't be ideal so there's things we need to do to set ourselves up for growth
and it's all part of the plan you know four-person podcasts would be great i don't see need for more
mics than that. But hey, maybe eight. We'll have a party sometime. Who knows? But there's decisions
that I'm making. And I think in order to learn from my own failures, I got to go back, take a
listen to things, see where we can improve. It's something I try to do on a weekly basis. But I
think in the spirit of New Year's coming up, really taking a look. So I'll do a deep dive on
what decisions we made with the podcast and I'll just be completely transparent with you guys
why is it a marble background why is there two mics face why is there only one camera
you know these were all decisions that I came before I decided to jump into this and
I jumped in well before I was ready it's uh you go back I'll tell you now because I like learning
from failure go back and listen to that first episode with Gil Thompson promoting his writing
to heal album we got the fire alarm going off in the back i'm stopping to cough like i woke up that
morning i completely flipped everything ready to have my first guest i was i don't i didn't have
covid but i was sick i'm nasally you listen to that recording everything told me i should not do
this and i was getting ready to really cancel and i say right in the beginning of the episode part
of the reason we built it not not part of the reason the reason we built this because i wanted
to promote the album and I wanted to do it in a professional setting. And I said, might as well
get a podcast out of it. And I'm so glad that we made that step and that we put everything together
because this is therapeutic for me. I love doing it. Feedback has been great. So not only that,
but you can promote things within your network. So I know I put that on my mission statement or
description somewhere. Maybe it's on my ACAST. Somewhere it says, I did this to promote people
in my network and their endeavors and these stories that need to be told. So this was never
an I thing. This was never a me, Tony Ortiz thing. The goal was to have that second mic there and
figured if I'm going to have one mic at all, set it up for at least two. You don't have to start
with four, but set it up for at least two. And I do little things like the naming of the podcast
is not episode one, it's episode 0001. Why? Why not 01? Why not 001? Because I can keep that
format for 999 episodes before I have to change the format. When I thought about consistency and
how to be able to take my already hectic life and promote and create 25 to an hour's worth of
content every week consistently that's the goal so that's what really sits at the top
and in the effort of consistency i am going over my time of what's normal so we'll slowly extend
the show longer and longer as we get it perfect for the perfect audience but no need to mess with
retention or keep people droning for a ton of time if you're just joining we got about six or
seven episodes. This is episode seven. So you can go back and at least spend the next three or four
hours and binge watch the podcast up to now. I'm going to keep doing this and it's going to get to
the point where it will be unbingeable because there's just so much content out there. So we
locked in the first ever episode for life, for the future, for the history of recorded internet
with a fire alarm going off, me coughing and me being sick. But you know what? I think it's some
of the most raw so much good content came out of it it created such a discussion online and this
was a first episode with no audience at all this created the audience so damn man big shout out
uh let's see this is i will not lose podcast stories of successes learned from failure
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me a text hey tone that was a dope episode whatever you got to do your contribution is
appreciated thank you for listening