Unsteady Connections: Missteps on the Path to Powerful Networking

Transcript

[00:00:05.170] What's up? Good morning, good evening, good night, good afternoon, whatever time you're listening in, wherever you're listening from.
[00:00:11.690] Shout out to my Spotify listenership, Apple and Google Podcasts, Stitcher, and YouTube if you're watching in.
[00:00:18.680] Big shout out to Empower 610 Day.
[00:00:21.400] Coming live from my voice to your phone, headphones, TV, or car stereo, your attention could have been anywhere in the world, but it's here right now.
[00:00:29.100] Take a moment to be present and recognize that it is now, right now.
[00:00:33.540] Whether you're right now is running, working, exercising, cleaning, laying down, flying,
[00:00:38.200] driving, be grateful we're alive, baby.
[00:00:41.460] Failure can be frightening.
[00:00:42.500] However, as Winston Churchill reminds us, success is all about going from failure to
[00:00:47.040] failure without losing enthusiasm.
[00:00:49.500] This is I Will Not Lose podcast, where we set out to prove that everything is learned
[00:00:53.300] from failure, and we must persevere and recognize it as one step closer to success.
[00:00:58.520] I'm here to help you navigate the rocky path to success one episode at a time.
[00:01:04.080] Today, we're diving into a topic that touches us all, whether your pursuit is personal or
[00:01:10.100] career leveling up.
[00:01:11.640] We're going to talk about the power of networking, building relationships that last.
[00:01:16.560] And in the spirit of failure, in the spirit of the theme of the podcast, I'll talk about
[00:01:21.400] how bad I was at networking when I first got started, some mistakes and pitfalls.
[00:01:26.740] and I'll put my head out on the stakes so that you guys don't have to make the mistakes I made.
[00:01:33.740] You can be powerful networkers right from the great. So the pitfalls, the stumbles,
[00:01:40.320] the blunders along the way, as we explore these topics, I'll dive into some of my own personal
[00:01:45.100] anecdotes. And hopefully on the end, we can come out stronger, more resilient, and more connected
[00:01:50.240] it to the other side. You ready? All right. Well, you see the shirt I'm wearing. Big shout out to
[00:01:57.510] Empower 610 Day. For the listeners that don't know, that was a hip hop showcase for the Allentown
[00:02:04.750] Summer Concert Series. It's a historic event because it was the first hip hop event that the
[00:02:11.480] Summer Concert Series had. So big event, tons of great turnout. The mayor came out and had an
[00:02:18.000] opening statement. Uh, so it was a really great day, tons of vendors and live performances from
[00:02:24.440] local artists. So I had a great time. Uh, it was great for networking as well. I met a ton of great
[00:02:31.020] contacts that I'm excited to build relationships with. And so it got me thinking about this
[00:02:36.300] episode. I thought, you know, I could talk a little bit and recap some of the events and just
[00:02:40.420] talk about how, if I was there five, 10 years ago, trying to network at that event, how completely
[00:02:47.860] terrible i would have done man i would have turned people off so these are the big things that uh
[00:02:53.880] people make as mistakes i'll kind of try to run through them but overzealous selling uh you try
[00:03:00.040] to push your services or products too hard you're just going to turn people off everybody knows that
[00:03:05.000] person that comes in and you know it's it reminds me of uh was it coming to america where the guy
[00:03:10.400] had the jacket full of things and he opens it up he's like i got toothbrushes i got mirrors it's
[00:03:16.660] like, you don't want to be that guy. You don't want to be that guy. So when I first got into
[00:03:21.800] networking, I tried to sell not only things that I sold, but stuff that other people sold. I figured,
[00:03:27.320] well, if I can get somebody interested in it, I know where to source it and I can go from there.
[00:03:31.940] So then you look like the jack of all trades, master of none, but it was bad. Don't try to
[00:03:38.820] sell yourself. Be an active listener. So a lack of active listening is one way that people find
[00:03:45.080] themselves dropping to the barrel of networking super quick. So show a genuine interest. Make
[00:03:52.260] other people feel valued. One thing that I try to do is I repeat back what the person is saying
[00:03:57.940] in real time in my head. This keeps me active listening. Things pop into your head. You want
[00:04:04.660] to interject with how you can solve their problem, but they're not even done telling you what their
[00:04:08.820] problem is. So repeat back what they're saying in real time and you'll be actively listening.
[00:04:15.080] Um, networking should be a two way street. If you don't reciprocate, just leads to unbalanced relationships. So it's not just a matter of what can I sell to this person who can buy what I do? It's how can I bring benefit to these people in the room or at the park or at the event? You know, what can I do to bring value to them?
[00:04:36.540] So I always ask, who would you like to meet? You do videography. What's a good client for you? Do you like to shoot weddings? Who can I connect you with? So by building value, you definitely create a relationship. And it's not just like a parasite. You're not just leeching off of people.
[00:04:59.280] you know you don't want to take relationships for granted it just weakens connections so a lot of
[00:05:06.280] things i'll do a couple of things i'll do is i'll go through my messenger and i'll look who was the
[00:05:11.360] last person that i messaged who haven't i messaged in a while that we had a conversation going and
[00:05:16.520] i'll just try to bring the mess the bring the conversation back you know messenger keeps your
[00:05:21.760] messages there for years so if you don't get in touch with somebody in a few months you can always
[00:05:27.160] see right where the conversation left off and go from there. Other things I'll do is I'll hang out
[00:05:34.060] in Discord channels just to stay connected with friends. Even if I'm not playing the games that
[00:05:38.700] they're playing, you know, I'll stick around in the chat and just hang out, pop in every now and
[00:05:43.760] then, make an appearance, and just try to keep connections fresh because I value them, you know.
[00:05:51.200] Sticking around after a networking event, that's where the networking happens. You know, after
[00:05:56.300] everybody's left and everybody's rushed to get where they're doing stick around talk to some
[00:06:00.860] people that are sticking around as well uh or before the event they call it the meeting before
[00:06:05.920] the meeting or the meeting after the meeting but super super super uh important other things that
[00:06:14.070] can kill relationships inconsistency so like they say uh infrequent or erratic communication
[00:06:20.270] don't get left on read you know i purposely i won't open my messages if i get a message from
[00:06:26.650] somebody. I'll read the like the excerpt, the first couple of words, but I won't actually open
[00:06:32.890] the message because then it'll show them that I read it and they might think that I'm actually
[00:06:36.730] sitting there. I could be driving and it pops up real quick. I won't go to read it. Or if I'm in
[00:06:42.370] the middle of a phone call or something and I can't respond back and actually give it the attention
[00:06:48.680] that it deserves, I won't even open it. And that's a great way to not leave people thinking that
[00:06:54.560] you're not getting back to them or you're not avid with your follow-up you know um it just
[00:07:00.860] sends a bad message so that leaves you into like one-sided communication where you know
[00:07:07.340] messenger is a great way to see it you know i'll keep coming back to that but even text messages
[00:07:11.920] you see wow this person has reached out to me on three different days and i haven't responded to
[00:07:17.180] any of them it's right there it's time stamps you know you can see what the person is doing
[00:07:23.300] so that's not a great message that you want to send whether that be relationships in business
[00:07:29.380] or relationships personally you know we want to level up on all ends so um this day and age of
[00:07:37.620] digital social media and um or if you want to just call it media now there's not so much social
[00:07:44.780] anymore but it paints a great landscape for meeting new people and painting a digital picture
[00:07:51.120] of yourself but some of the ways to be ineffective in online networking is to always have like an
[00:07:57.600] impersonal approach like no take some of the same principles of networking and doing things in real
[00:08:06.040] life and apply them to the digital world so like don't send me a copy and paste that i can tell
[00:08:12.680] you copy and pasted to everybody on your messenger it's like i got a 13 year old and you don't know
[00:08:18.520] I have kids, but you're asking me to click on your music video or something. It just shows that
[00:08:24.540] you only see one way out of this relationship. And you probably didn't even realize you sent
[00:08:29.260] me the message. You probably copy and paste it and send it to a whole bunch of people. So
[00:08:34.000] one of the reasons I stopped using LinkedIn a while ago was because it felt like all the
[00:08:40.290] activity was suggested. It felt like somebody had written me a recommendation because LinkedIn
[00:08:44.810] asked them to and they kind of gamified it and this person was trying to get a whole bunch of
[00:08:49.910] recommendations out so they could get recommendations back and i just felt super impersonal so
[00:08:55.750] um whether you're on digital or whether you're in person you got to have professional etiquette man
[00:09:02.030] um it can damage your reputation so if you're online and you're constantly posting with emojis
[00:09:09.650] and stuff sure dude there's an audience for that but like i don't know you there's other people
[00:09:17.610] that are reading it that might think based on the way that you communicate online that that affects
[00:09:23.130] your intelligence in real life like people really do subconsciously judge i remember one time i
[00:09:28.590] showed up um to meet with somebody and i was in a suit and they said i knew you were going to show
[00:09:35.830] up in a suit. So what are you talking about? He said, I could just tell by the way you write
[00:09:40.250] online that you dress well. It's like, wow. So you have no idea how much people are subliminally
[00:09:48.390] painting a picture of you when you comment, when you do things on the internet. So people can read
[00:09:55.490] through it. They know whether or not you're authentic. They know whether or not you're
[00:09:59.250] putting on a show, whether or not this is really the real you or whatnot, you know. It's interesting
[00:10:06.110] without a co-host, I find myself talking here every week for 15, 20 minutes. And this is a very
[00:10:14.890] real and authentic outlet for myself. You know, this is just me talking and sharing personal
[00:10:21.550] failures that I've come across with. And it matches my persona online. It matches my brand,
[00:10:27.990] matches when i go out professionally you know this is the tony ortiz that you get so it's pretty
[00:10:34.310] interesting how people paint a picture of you online so always be professional and that
[00:10:41.510] professional etiquette doesn't always mean like suit and tie corporate professional etiquette
[00:10:46.170] like there's an etiquette for hip-hop there's a way of being tacky and way of presenting yourself
[00:10:51.890] and being put together and looking like you know what you're talking about you know so you're out
[00:10:58.370] you're networking you're meeting a ton of people you're getting uh some great contacts what do you
[00:11:05.050] got to do next you got to follow up man when i first started getting into networking i was
[00:11:09.810] collecting business cards like pokemon man i just oh you do this you do this oh that's great i have
[00:11:14.790] three carpenters and out of like hundreds of business cards that i got i only sat down with
[00:11:21.190] 40 or 50 of those people. And it's like, what was I doing? So I changed my methods to find three,
[00:11:29.530] maybe two or three, I'd say, good connections that I want to make out of a room. So I go into
[00:11:34.970] a room with clear intentions of who I want to meet and who I want to network with. And I'll
[00:11:40.110] talk with a couple of people. And if I leave with three business cards, but I had 10 minutes to talk
[00:11:45.910] to that person and get an idea of whether or not we could do business together or whether or not
[00:11:50.170] I could refer them business. I'll go ahead and I'll shoot them an email within 24 hours just
[00:11:56.690] asking when I can get on their calendar for like a Zoom meeting or buy them coffee or something if
[00:12:01.390] they're going to be downtown. But it's amazing how many people have poor follow-up tactics and just
[00:12:09.310] collect the cards, never reach out to the person, never ask whether or not they can get into
[00:12:14.810] anything. And just imagine all the lost opportunities that you have. So by the time
[00:12:19.910] this episode drops, everyone that I chatted with at Empower 610 Day is going to have a message or
[00:12:25.270] an email from me. Going back to the idea of painting a picture of you online, I know there
[00:12:32.990] was a gentleman that I met. Shout out to Kweisa the artist. I see him at Americus. He's shooting
[00:12:40.710] a wedding and I see his setup. He's got the Black Magic, which is a great camera. And so we get to
[00:12:48.630] talking a little bit. We connect on Instagram or something. And I reached out. I checked out some
[00:12:54.510] of his stuff, but I didn't actually say, hey, let's get together for coffee or anything like
[00:12:58.650] that. He saw an interview that I did with Phase One and said, wow, I didn't know you knew Phase.
[00:13:06.080] And when he saw me at Empower 610 day, that's the first thing he said is, I didn't know you knew my
[00:13:10.300] man phase. And now the ice is broken. We get to talking. He starts talking to some other people
[00:13:15.840] that I know. I'm thinking, man, this is like when you see 11 mutual friends or 100 mutual friends
[00:13:22.560] or 400 mutual friends on Facebook. You accept those requests a lot quicker than if somebody's
[00:13:29.740] just randomly cold calling you and trying to add you as a friend. So I'm going to shoot out. I'm
[00:13:37.020] going to shoot out a couple of times to him, reach out a time to sit down. I ran into meet beats
[00:13:42.000] and be pro. I keep going back to this, uh, phase one interview, but we were talking about
[00:13:47.820] meet beats Robbins, uh, starting MB pro studios. And I said, yeah, you came up.
[00:13:54.560] This was a segue to, Hey, I started a podcast and eventually I may have him on as a guest,
[00:14:00.240] but we're going to keep the conversation going. Um, I was actually in the middle of talking with
[00:14:06.150] him when my pod brothers, Nice Jones and Bardalis called me onto the stage to give me flowers and
[00:14:13.350] recognize me and a bunch of other members in the community. So that was awesome to share the stage
[00:14:20.550] there. But because the conversation got cut off with Meat Beats, I got to reach out to him
[00:14:25.450] and make sure we can build that relationship, keep it going. So let's see what I got here.
[00:14:33.290] Your persona should match your online presentations.
[00:14:36.470] People can read through if you're authentic.
[00:14:39.090] Poor follow-up tactics.
[00:14:40.990] Timing.
[00:14:41.430] Let's talk about timing.
[00:14:43.310] I say within 24 hours, two days is acceptable.
[00:14:48.010] But if it takes you a week, two weeks to follow up, somebody's going to think, wow, that's
[00:14:54.270] not, they don't really take it as serious.
[00:14:56.650] I don't know why, but life happens.
[00:14:58.450] Like, it's not that you don't take it serious.
[00:15:00.130] It's just that life happens and people have short attention spans.
[00:15:03.710] So if they met you one day and they get an email the next day, there's a much higher percentage chance that you guys are going to connect and not just be someone that goes from there.
[00:15:14.910] So stay professional when you're at networking events.
[00:15:18.730] Try to meet new people.
[00:15:20.230] Don't stay sticking to your friends and only go places where your friends go.
[00:15:24.570] Look approachable.
[00:15:25.870] Be friendly.
[00:15:26.530] and whether or not, you know, people kind of listen to their conversations, laugh at their
[00:15:31.430] jokes. And it's a opening to be able to kind of shoot an icebreaker in there, you know. But I know
[00:15:38.870] I spent months going to networking events and only talking to my friends. And it's like they already
[00:15:44.670] know what I do and all those missed opportunities of people that I could have been speaking with.
[00:15:50.790] So, you know, it's it's interesting stuff.
[00:15:55.430] If you do get a chance to have an icebreaker and talk to somebody, don't dominate the conversation.
[00:16:01.770] And I know I have a tendency to take over conversations.
[00:16:06.750] I've gotten much better at it in my older age.
[00:16:09.570] But I know that listening and letting other people talk and adding to meaningful discussion goes way better.
[00:16:18.170] Don't try to sell to a group.
[00:16:19.750] If there's three or four people in a group, somebody asks you what you do, tell them what
[00:16:25.290] you do, but it doesn't have to, there's a difference between saying I own a graphic
[00:16:31.300] and video business and saying, oh man, I could do business cards, flyers, I could do motion
[00:16:36.640] graphics, I could do this.
[00:16:37.840] It's like that guy with the toothbrushes and everything inside what he has.
[00:16:43.360] But let's see where I was in my notes.
[00:16:47.620] Just got a message that threw me off.
[00:16:49.760] And like I said, I don't hit red right away because I'm in the middle of podcasting.
[00:16:55.360] All right.
[00:16:59.230] Poor conversation tactics we were talking about.
[00:17:03.270] If you don't show a genuine interest, people can read right through it.
[00:17:06.940] So just remember that networking is about building relationships.
[00:17:10.560] If you're not showing an interest in what somebody else does, you might not pick up
[00:17:15.180] on that little thing they say that separates them from somebody else or the one thing they
[00:17:19.940] do unique that might come up in a conversation with somebody new. So I always ask, what did you,
[00:17:27.490] you know, somebody says, I'm at a networking group and it's something professional. I'll ask
[00:17:33.730] somebody what they do. If I'm at like a picnic or something, a barbecue, I'll ask, what do you do
[00:17:38.950] for work? And then if they say, I've been doing this for 25 years, I say, that's interesting.
[00:17:44.530] How'd you get into it? This isn't me just playing a game. I really am interested in why people do
[00:17:49.950] what they do and what motivates people to be driven. So I love hearing stories of how people
[00:17:55.030] got started or how they found their passion or how they're still looking for their passion.
[00:17:59.490] But this is a genuine conversation that I'm looking to build value with them. And it comes
[00:18:04.430] off a lot better than constantly trying to sell what I do. So I keep the same persona, whether
[00:18:12.250] I'm podcasting, whether I'm at a networking event, because it's part of my brand. You know,
[00:18:18.010] I try to keep a consistent brand. One of the things that I did inconsistently when I first
[00:18:23.890] got into marketing and stuff is I was trying to be everything for everyone. I was trying to be the,
[00:18:29.110] you know, manager for artists and rappers and make their, uh, brand as well as, you know,
[00:18:36.650] work for Taco Bell and corporate fast food places and make their brand. And it's like,
[00:18:42.190] it's inconsistent. Where's your brand message? And eventually fell into startups and starting
[00:18:48.930] having people start their businesses. I've helped brand, um, probably close to a hundred businesses
[00:18:56.390] putting together logos and having people go into their side hustle full time or something like
[00:19:02.150] that. So people know that the value I add is you can come to me with a thought and leave with a
[00:19:07.510] physical representation of your brand you know one way of inconsistent branding is like do you
[00:19:13.750] guys remember when mcdonald's was selling salads i don't even know if they still do but you don't
[00:19:19.250] go from being a fast and cheap fast food place selling garbage to oh we're the healthiest brand
[00:19:26.770] in america and you can get a nice chicken sandwich or a chicken salad you know it just didn't fit
[00:19:33.710] the healthy and premium brand so at least mcdonald's had a clear message of being the fast
[00:19:40.590] cheap garbage you know and it's not terrible people like the taste of it i guess so but you
[00:19:48.110] know nutrient wise you can't argue that it's absolute trash so at least they had a clear
[00:19:53.750] message if you have unclear branding it can make it difficult for people to understand like what do
[00:19:58.650] you stand for? You know, um, people throw out, they wonder why did I go with Tony Ortiz, the
[00:20:05.010] designer? And although my main service is graphic design, uh, I do do motion graphics. And so I
[00:20:14.130] design motion graphics. I design, um, whether I'm working on music or things like that, it helps
[00:20:20.830] with the brand of me just being a creator and creating things from scratch. So some people ask
[00:20:28.090] the question, what does he design? I'm not an interior designer, but a lot of the same principles
[00:20:33.910] of design go cross between different professions like interior design or art. Color psychology
[00:20:43.130] goes across that sort of different stuff. But I would say that the big thing is when you get out,
[00:20:49.700] when you make meaningful relationships, maintain them. Maintain them. Relationships need continuous
[00:20:57.660] nurturing so following up with people seeing what they've been up to just um i remember the game
[00:21:05.420] the sims you would make friends and you would have to call them on the phone and if you didn't call
[00:21:11.240] them on the phone after a while you'd get the same message and it would say relationships are
[00:21:15.920] like plants if you don't water them they wilt and die and for some reason that always stuck with me
[00:21:21.480] and i'm like who do i have to water right now you know who's wilting and where can i reopen the
[00:21:26.280] communication to get in touch with everyone and uh don't think for a second that just because
[00:21:33.100] you're posting the algorithm is showing you to absolutely everyone there are people that
[00:21:38.780] are facebook friends with you that don't see what you're posting and perfect example of it you know
[00:21:45.180] i was at the um at the showcase yesterday and somebody reached out and asked somebody else
[00:21:53.340] hey, so are you still making music? He said, well, don't you see it on Facebook? Are you not
[00:21:58.600] paying attention? And it's like, no, it's not that they're not paying attention. They just,
[00:22:04.900] the algorithm doesn't show you everything. You can be mutual friends with somebody and you're
[00:22:09.960] not seeing the same feed as somebody else does. So make it a point to reach out to people via
[00:22:16.400] Messenger or via text message or WhatsApp or whatever you can and use that tactic of going
[00:22:23.680] to the last person you spoke to and reopening the conversation and check it out. As long as
[00:22:29.880] you keep to that, you won't have one sided relationships. You won't have faltering
[00:22:34.460] relationships. You'll be able to really build and connect with some awesome people in the community
[00:22:39.720] or online nationally or even in other countries. You know, I've been able to do business with
[00:22:45.820] people well outside of the United States just by having a professional brand and representing
[00:22:51.740] myself that way online as well so i'm gonna look i'm gonna do this before i check how long i've
[00:22:59.530] been going i just want to shout out that i don't script or time any of my episodes and there we
[00:23:05.090] are at 23 minutes so somehow i go through and i hit about 20 minutes every week let's see
[00:23:15.330] announcements uh what do we got going on schultzy coming july 28th to the bethlehem wind creek i'm
[00:23:24.180] sure tickets are probably close to being sold out by now i think july 6th i got that date wrong
[00:23:31.260] sometime early in july bill burr's coming to the ppl center so that's going to be super dope
[00:23:36.620] uh eight town slim dropped competition is slim three yesterday on 610 day so that was uh definitely
[00:23:46.160] an experience i listened to that front to back this morning and reached out to phase let them
[00:23:51.000] know my thoughts on it and i'm super excited for some other projects he's got coming out this year
[00:23:56.960] definitely a fan but i will be replaying that competition is slim three i just want to shout
[00:24:03.340] out every artist that went out and showcased like it was really good music man it was really good
[00:24:09.760] music uh what do we got dj j held it down the whole time uh don dalla shut it down at the end
[00:24:16.780] of the night there was a bunch of kids going crazy with their phones out and stuff it was like a real
[00:24:23.220] moment the way the sun came down and everything it was like uh early night just a beautiful summer
[00:24:29.300] night johnny bills definitely he gets people moving man he had uh he had great music going on
[00:24:35.840] eric rose i heard him he was the first artist that was up in soundcheck when i was listening to
[00:24:41.040] And he could definitely move a crowd. He definitely a great crowd participation, asking them whether or not he should do a song. So that was pretty cool. Chanel Rodriguez spoken word definitely moved me. I mean, it's hard to get up in front of people. So big shout out to anybody performs. But to do a spoken word and be as personal as she was definitely moved me.
[00:25:05.740] uh call me vince i followed him on spotify eight town slim mackville i definitely played his
[00:25:13.580] project on spotify from front to back this morning uh dylan murphy i did not get a chance to jump
[00:25:20.060] into his stuff but i followed him he had a it's probably still in my pocket he had uh somebody
[00:25:26.600] handing out qr codes with that you could get to his music and follow everything so that was real
[00:25:32.080] professional i think it's great how these artists show up to a showcase and actually come prepared
[00:25:37.320] they have their team available they have merch so great day for hip-hop great day for allentown
[00:25:43.620] this is the uh art of networking and the empower 610 day recap this has been i will not lose
[00:25:51.560] podcast where we set out to prove everything is learned from failure we must persevere recognize
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