Progress over Perfection: How to Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations and Thrive

Transcript

[00:00:05.580] microphone check one two one two good morning good evening good night good afternoon good dusk
[00:00:11.420] at dawn shout out to my spotify listeners google podcast stitcher and special shout out to my
[00:00:17.340] listeners out in belgium checking my analytics and i see you guys are coming back so big shout
[00:00:22.780] out to belgium in the house big shout out to india my other international listeners coming live from
[00:00:29.080] my voice to your phone, computer, headphones, TV, car stereo, smartwatch, Bluetooth speaker.
[00:00:35.760] You could have been anywhere in the world, but you're here right now. Please take a moment to
[00:00:39.860] recognize that it is now, right now. Whether you're working, running, exercising, cleaning,
[00:00:46.040] laying down, flying, driving, be grateful we're alive. Failure can be frightening. However,
[00:00:52.140] as Winston Churchill reminds us, success is all about going from failure to failure without
[00:00:57.400] losing enthusiasm. And in the spirit of going from failure to failure, I lost all the audio
[00:01:04.340] for this episode. So we're going to talk about perfectionism and you get to hear draft two
[00:01:11.040] of perfectionism because draft one is lost to time completely. But this is I Will Not Lose
[00:01:17.200] podcast where we set out to prove that everything is learned from failure and we must persevere and
[00:01:22.080] recognize it as one step closer to success. I'm your host, Tony Ortiz. Let's jump right in.
[00:01:30.160] Perfectionism and failure. How do these relate? I didn't spend a whole lot of time on my notes
[00:01:36.600] in the spirit of the episode. I figure I'll practice what I preach with this whole podcast
[00:01:41.640] thing. And I say, you know, it doesn't have to be perfect. Just go ahead, jump in and do it.
[00:01:47.560] and I went in and I did it. It was all right, man. It was a pretty dope episode. And then
[00:01:54.180] as I was editing it, I realized I lost all the audio. I halfway thought about putting out the
[00:02:00.980] camera audio, which would have sounded terrible if you're used to a listening experience. There's
[00:02:05.860] nothing like a mic into an interface versus like an on-phone camera or an on-camera mic. So
[00:02:13.080] thankfully you get draft too, if all goes according to plan. But part of what makes
[00:02:20.880] me comfortable talking about what I talk about is I speak from experience. So perfectionism
[00:02:27.560] is not some topic that I quickly did some research on in order to put together a podcast
[00:02:32.500] episode. This is something that I struggle with and continue to struggle with. So this
[00:02:38.200] podcast is going to act as a self reminder to myself to stop always trying to be perfect.
[00:02:45.040] And there's a difference between striving for excellence and reaching for perfection,
[00:02:51.330] which is unattainable. So, um, keeping those things in mind, you know, you still want to try,
[00:02:57.890] you still want to put something out. I mean, I had, um, my daughter had friend over and they
[00:03:05.290] were upstairs giggling. Somebody was running the vacuum cleaner. And I'm just thinking, oh, well,
[00:03:12.290] doesn't have to be perfect. Keep on. So it's actually great that we are rerecording the
[00:03:17.970] episode. But if you've ever heard of like a reporter or a journalist covering a topic that
[00:03:24.200] you could tell they don't know or don't care about, it just sounds like robotic and foolish
[00:03:29.280] and stuff. So rather than try to cover everything, so think about success, learn from failure and
[00:03:37.140] persevering. Think about maladaptive mindsets that I've had myself, like perfectionism or
[00:03:45.340] imposter syndrome that we talked about on last episode. And yeah, who would have thought my
[00:03:51.740] little notes of putting together something to talk about could reach out and inspire people.
[00:03:57.660] So people actually reached out to me that the episode had touched them personally, and
[00:04:04.580] I thought that was really awesome.
[00:04:06.980] I mean, the likes, the comments are great, but when you get a phone call from somebody
[00:04:11.480] saying that's something you did, it just gives me all the reason to keep putting this out
[00:04:16.520] every week.
[00:04:18.280] So let's talk perfectionism.
[00:04:20.960] What is it?
[00:04:22.130] It's a common trait that many people possess.
[00:04:24.570] It could be a positive quality that drives individuals towards excellence, but it can also lead to feelings of inadequacy and fear of failure.
[00:04:33.670] This fear of failure can prevent individuals from taking risks, trying new things, reaching their full potential.
[00:04:40.770] So in this podcast episode, we're going to explore how perfectionism can hold you back and what you can do to break free from the need to be perfect.
[00:04:48.390] so a lot of people don't get into starting something because they have a fear of what
[00:04:57.210] the public is going to think of them and this is an it's understandable this is deeply rooted in
[00:05:03.730] our psychology i mean for millennia if you didn't go along with what society did you were outcast
[00:05:11.730] you were thrown out so if you go back to tribes you know you were pretty much kicked out of the
[00:05:18.230] village and told you were, you're dead, pretty much. I mean, live on your own. I'm sure there's
[00:05:26.420] the story of the outcasts that went on to thrive on their own. But for the most part, you needed
[00:05:31.520] society to live and to move throughout human evolution. So we have something rooted in our
[00:05:38.700] psychology when we get into, it comes out when you have the fear of public speaking, you know,
[00:05:44.800] when people get in front of a bunch of people and you're essentially forcing yourself to be judged
[00:05:50.440] on a stage, we start to get overwhelming feelings and people fear it worse than death because in
[00:05:56.360] most senses, judging of the society would lead to your death. So I like to think that in 2023,
[00:06:05.300] if you're an outcast, I guarantee there's a subreddit somewhere with thousands of people
[00:06:09.680] that feel the exact same way that you feel. So it's a, in an interconnected society, it's a lot
[00:06:15.720] harder to be quote unquote outcast. So I don't know, for whatever reason, I don't know if I've
[00:06:22.620] worked through it through practicing in public speaking, or if I just never really gave a fuck
[00:06:28.940] what people think, but, you know, sorry to be so crude, but it really doesn't affect me, you know,
[00:06:37.020] in the way that the style that I dress, some people would say it's great. Some people would
[00:06:42.360] say it's terrible. So I'm comfortable with it. So it works out for me. Um, depending on who I'm
[00:06:49.840] meeting or what I'm doing, I'll dress for the occasion and go from there. But for the most part,
[00:06:54.900] um, it's not that I follow trends, you know, I wouldn't quite call myself a trendsetter,
[00:07:00.200] but I'm just kind of immune to it. I don't feel the need to jump onto something if everybody
[00:07:06.960] else is on it i mean case in point harry potter legacy has been out for hogwarts legacy has been
[00:07:13.300] out for like two weeks at the time of recording this and i haven't bought it yet um still haven't
[00:07:19.820] found any spoilers on the internet but no honestly trends can do what they have to do but one thing
[00:07:27.940] to keep in mind is that you're not going to be absolutely perfect so setting up attainable goals
[00:07:34.600] for yourself. When I say the difference between striving for excellence and striving for
[00:07:41.770] perfection, let's take a second on that. Many people believe that striving for perfection is
[00:07:46.810] the same as striving for excellence, but in reality, they're very, very different. Striving
[00:07:51.770] for excellence is about doing your best, pushing yourself to be better, and continually improving.
[00:07:57.670] Striving for perfection, on the other hand, is about trying to be flawless and mistake-free,
[00:08:02.270] which is not realistic or attainable. It's important to recognize the difference between
[00:08:07.210] these two mindsets so that you can focus on growth and progress rather than perfection.
[00:08:12.570] So what does this mean? I mean, when I want to put out, when I got into podcasting, I knew that it
[00:08:20.920] wasn't going to be perfect. I knew what equipment it takes to put on a show like the Rogan Experience
[00:08:27.700] or flagrant. And I knew I didn't have that, didn't have the budget. So setting my goals for being as
[00:08:35.660] good as a nationally syndicated radio show, you're setting yourself up for failure. So when I came
[00:08:44.060] into it, I knew there was going to be mistakes and I accounted for as many as I could, but I
[00:08:49.760] didn't let it stop me from dropping the first episode. I've read on our podcasting on Reddit,
[00:08:55.860] somebody was saying, if you're going to get into podcasting, know that your first 10 episodes are
[00:09:00.640] essentially going to be throwaways. And that's let alone if you're trying to syndicate to video as
[00:09:06.360] well, like we are. Shout out to the YouTube viewership. But you have to know that you have
[00:09:15.800] to drill, you have to practice, you have to work your way towards getting towards something better.
[00:09:21.740] So if you wait for it to be perfect, if you're going to travel the ocean and you're going to
[00:09:26.140] build the perfect ship that can account for all the wind and all the different sized waves. And
[00:09:31.760] then you realize there's bigger waves. So you rebuild the ship for those bigger waves. Then
[00:09:36.340] you realize that there's storms that, I don't know, rotate in a different direction. So you
[00:09:40.960] need sails that can do this. You're never going to go on your voyage. You're just going to continue
[00:09:46.840] to make everything perfect. So while you still want to say, okay, it doesn't mean you just slap
[00:09:52.520] together a ship and start going and figure it out as you go. You know, you want to account for as
[00:09:57.460] much as you can. But even though I went, built a studio, picked out my mics, talked to some audio
[00:10:03.780] engineers, I still forgot to put batteries in my damn smoke detector for the first like two
[00:10:09.600] episodes. I was funny. My first guest came over, shout out to Gil Thompson and his wife heard the
[00:10:14.680] recording and she gave me some batteries. So he brought batteries and I wasn't even paying
[00:10:21.380] attention. We didn't put him in for that episode. So I'm a living example of the stuff that I talk
[00:10:28.920] about. That's why I don't try to be an expert on things that I'm not, but I absolutely have
[00:10:33.880] suffered from perfectionism and it can lead to procrastination and avoidance. Perfectionism can
[00:10:41.220] lead to procrastination and avoidance because when we feel like we have to be perfect, we may
[00:10:45.980] become overwhelmed or paralyzed by fear. We may put off tasks because we're afraid of making
[00:10:51.120] mistakes or because we want to make sure everything is just right. This can lead to
[00:10:56.280] missed opportunities and feelings of regret. Oh, this is so true. So we have a, I just finished a
[00:11:05.200] documentary, Moving Us Forward, African American Contributions to the City of Bayonne. And we put
[00:11:13.700] it up. It's airing twice a day for the next 10 days for the remainder of Black History Month.
[00:11:20.500] At the time of recording this, it will have already aired for about a week, and it's going to air a little bit into March. But there was a deadline, like a very realistic. People had come together and put interviews for something that is coming out during Black History Month.
[00:11:36.880] if we would have went and got all the audio completely crisp, there were some things that
[00:11:42.540] we just couldn't redo. And it still came out to be a beautiful presentation and it's still going to
[00:11:48.440] air. But one thing that I've learned personally, like I know on the podcast, I say, well, I'm going
[00:11:53.960] to record anyway. My neighbors are recording. You know, one of my listeners said to me, you know,
[00:11:58.440] we can never hear your neighbor's music. So if you wouldn't have said anything, we wouldn't have
[00:12:04.120] thought anything of it. It's like, huh. So here I am thinking that I have to wait, but if it's
[00:12:10.160] not being picked up or it's being cleaned up in post, I guess we don't have to worry about it
[00:12:14.840] anyway. So I am so glad that I jumped right into it, started before I was ready and I'm still not
[00:12:21.620] ready. I'm sure this is still mistakes that are absolutely unexcusable for somebody on a major
[00:12:29.680] podcast network. But you know what? We're growing with listenership. So that's the idea. There's a
[00:12:37.660] link between perfectionism and anxiety and depression. Perfectionism can lead to anxiety
[00:12:43.460] and depression. Because when you feel like you have to be perfect, you put a lot of pressure
[00:12:47.260] on yourself. You may become anxious about making mistakes or not living up to others' expectations.
[00:12:53.620] And you can almost feel depressed if you experience a setback or a failure.
[00:12:59.520] So I suffer from this a lot.
[00:13:02.860] I put huge pressure on myself and hold myself to a high standard, especially when it comes
[00:13:08.160] to like my creative business or, you know, I'm not going to lie, just about anything
[00:13:12.420] I do, I throw in myself into it 150%.
[00:13:15.720] And I have to remind myself constantly of my achievements, you know, not from an egotistical
[00:13:22.540] standpoint, but just being able to say, okay, I did something. I put it out. Okay. So I put out
[00:13:29.200] two bad episodes to start out. I think this is episode number 18. So we've been going for going
[00:13:34.820] on four months now and it's, it's okay. We put out bad episodes. We've put out great episodes.
[00:13:43.060] I don't know where this one's going to fall on it, but I'd assume that we're getting better and
[00:13:47.340] better each time that we go. So one thing I know is if I tried to be perfect, there's no way I'd
[00:13:54.600] be able to drop every week. There's no way. There's absolutely no way. So strategies for letting go of
[00:14:02.580] perfectionism. Set realistic expectations. Focus on progress rather than perfection. I recently came
[00:14:10.620] across this quote, and I just want to stick on this for a second, but focus on progress rather
[00:14:15.860] than perfection. If you see that you're going up, keep going and make sure you take notice of your
[00:14:24.010] progress. You have to take steps. You have to mark milestones. You have to celebrate victories.
[00:14:30.610] So to let go of perfectionism, it's important to set realistic expectations. Recognize that
[00:14:35.990] perfection is not attainable and that making mistakes is a normal and necessary part of
[00:14:40.710] growing and learning. Focus on progress rather than perfection. Celebrate your success no matter
[00:14:46.250] how small they may be. Practice self-compassion and give yourself permission to make mistakes.
[00:14:52.010] Oh gosh, setting, giving myself permission to make mistakes. It's funny because the one thing
[00:15:00.240] that I do that I create with that I don't get paid for is this podcast. And so for some reason,
[00:15:07.180] because I'm not getting paid for it, I gave myself the ability to make mistakes and I
[00:15:13.100] challenge myself to put it out. You know, I still have a level of quality that I care about
[00:15:19.400] personally, that when I put my name on something, I want to be there. But I wouldn't say this
[00:15:26.310] podcast is that level of excellence. You know, I think it's good and I think we do our best,
[00:15:31.830] but there's definitely room for growth and there's things that we can do. And we're constantly
[00:15:37.130] checking out mistakes and trying to improve on the next episode. So try it even in things that
[00:15:44.650] you do get paid for, you make, you know, give yourself room to make mistakes. I know it might
[00:15:49.230] be hard if you're in a job that doesn't like taking risks or things like that, but if you
[00:15:54.770] could reframe your failures as opportunities for growth and learning. So instead of seeing failures
[00:16:00.950] as a reflection of your worth or something to be ashamed of, reframe them as opportunities for
[00:16:06.530] growth and learning. Ask yourself, what can you learn from your failures and how you can use them
[00:16:11.430] to improve? Reframe your mindset from one of, I can't do this, to I haven't figured it out yet,
[00:16:18.750] but I'm learning. Even on the side, I haven't talked about it much, but I'm training jujitsu
[00:16:28.940] and learning self-defense. And one of the greatest things is just knowing that there's levels of
[00:16:36.740] belts that are unattainable in my lifetime. Even if I started at in my 20s, it would have been
[00:16:43.800] unattainable in my lifetime just because the amount of time that it takes. So knowing that
[00:16:48.940] there's never going to be a perfect journey for myself, I'm able to focus on the steps that I'm
[00:16:54.660] taking and be able to realize that making mistakes and learning is part of it. And I'm excited to
[00:17:00.560] look back a year from them or as I'm a blue belt and look back and say, wow, look how terrible I
[00:17:07.800] was and look at all those mistakes I was making. I'm glad that I persevered through those and kept
[00:17:12.540] going. So breaking free from perfectionism, self-care, self-compassion. Practicing self-compassion
[00:17:25.640] means treating yourself with kindness, understanding, acceptance. Don't treat yourself
[00:17:31.000] with self-criticism or judgment. I know if my mom's listening to this episode, she's going to
[00:17:36.800] be like, all right, he finally got it. He's telling me this all the time. Don't judge myself. Don't
[00:17:42.800] criticize myself. I mean, you have to find the balance because being critical of myself does
[00:17:48.120] make me good at what I do, but it's not healthy to do it at a ridiculous level, you know? So
[00:17:55.080] taking care of my physical, emotional, mental health needs, I'm better equipped to handle
[00:18:01.540] setbacks and failures, you know? This was going to be the last episode. Actually, last episode
[00:18:07.400] was going to be the last episode. I was just going to not drop and not do this anymore. I thought
[00:18:13.060] takes 20 minutes to rerecord. I got to do the editing and stuff, but I was going to do that
[00:18:18.760] anyway. We're still going to drop on time. It's all good. So I can just say that this personal
[00:18:24.880] journey to be vulnerable, embrace imperfection, you know, it's something that I've been doing
[00:18:31.640] throughout the podcast without even realizing it. So I figured why not bring it full circle
[00:18:36.420] and, uh, you know, put it into an episode. So it's important to recognize the benefits of
[00:18:43.280] embracing imperfection and vulnerability. When you let go of the need to be perfect,
[00:18:47.980] you free yourself up to take risks, to try new things, to learn from your mistakes.
[00:18:53.580] Embracing vulnerability means being authentic and genuine, which can help you build deeper
[00:18:58.260] connections with others. By embracing imperfection and vulnerability, you can live a more fulfilling
[00:19:03.960] and authentic life. And who doesn't want to live a more fulfilling and authentic life, man?
[00:19:10.320] So that's about all I got for the show notes. I did want to take some time out and shout out a
[00:19:16.540] few things that inspire me that I figure I could throw out there publicly. But I listened to the
[00:19:22.720] latest episode of SC360, Socially Connected 360 Podcast with Luis D. Garcia. Man, that's a great
[00:19:31.600] ride. He drops every couple of weeks and he's got great guests on there. The last one I listened to
[00:19:39.500] was Legally Blind. I believe the man was legally blind, ran across the United States 50 miles a
[00:19:46.900] day. I mean, you had me at 50 miles one day. Man, imagine running across with that sort of adversity.
[00:19:54.020] So that really had me inspired. And then he had, I want to say it was Roy Shuler. I hope I'm not
[00:19:59.960] messing the name up, but he had an actor on the most recent one. And listening to that podcast
[00:20:05.920] just lets me realize, okay, there's definitely a level to strive for, definitely great content.
[00:20:12.200] So there was that. I was working on a logo and I saw Empower 610 drop their new episode.
[00:20:20.560] And I was like, man, I'm in a groove right now. I can't listen to it because I really want to
[00:20:24.720] pay attention to it. And as I'm Instagramming back and forth with Bardalis, he tells me,
[00:20:30.320] oh yeah, we shouted you out in the episode we're about to drop. I'm thinking, oh, that's that
[00:20:34.900] episode. So luckily I got to rerecord because I was able to check that episode out. These guys
[00:20:41.440] always inspire me. I told him I was on the fence about dropping a podcast and their pilot episode
[00:20:47.920] was called Everybody Has a Podcast. And I saw that thumbnail and I was like, that's it. I'm
[00:20:53.340] doing it. I reached out to Nice Jones personally and told him, yep, you tipped the scale. We're
[00:20:59.140] doing this now. So shout out to the local podcast that I listen to and get inspiration from. Another
[00:21:06.620] one is Miguel Reyes with his Staying Fit ODAT, One Day at a Time, O-D-A-A-T. Great podcast,
[00:21:15.740] Great message. Other than that, there's a lot of nationally syndicated podcasts,
[00:21:23.300] but they definitely get enough shout outs. So you guys know I mentioned them a lot,
[00:21:27.780] who I listen to and where I get inspiration from. But you cannot forget about the local podcast
[00:21:33.240] because these guys are working hard to put out great content that moves and inspires me. So
[00:21:38.800] I just become a conduit of things that they say. And I think it's great.
[00:21:43.180] announcements don't have anything uh it's season two so all that means is we change the background
[00:21:51.620] same show same premise this is i will not lose podcast where we challenge the idea that
[00:21:57.780] everything is learned from failure nothing is learned from success and we got to pick
[00:22:02.540] ourselves up from mishaps and persevere to support the show visit the website the website
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[00:22:39.680] But your contribution is appreciated.
[00:22:42.520] Thank you for listening.