Full Circle: Two Years of Growth, Resilience, and Real Talk - I Will Not Lose Podcast Anniversary

Transcript

[00:00:08.270] morning good evening good night good afternoon don't give me copyright flag though no no no you
[00:00:15.380] can cut this out i sounded like a zombie just yeah in order to grow you gotta have like some
[00:00:26.310] kind of goals microphone check i check one two one two what's up what's up man we're back baby
[00:00:49.280] happy anniversary two years it's the two-year anniversary uh two years ago today i was setting
[00:00:56.560] up a green screen in my basement because Gil had an album to promote that was the writing to heal
[00:01:03.140] wow it's been two years since writing to heal wow yes a whole different mindset just in two years
[00:01:09.400] so much happens yeah and we looked at we were gonna do it in your kitchen you remember and
[00:01:14.440] we were like I was like I don't know how we're gonna hold the mics up like I don't know so
[00:01:18.800] within like two weeks I was like come over I had the whole table set up with the green screen
[00:01:23.560] and um recorded it's been such a learning curve since then like upgrading and going from there so
[00:01:31.740] now we're not in the basement we're here lovely from live from venture x in the fishbowl
[00:01:37.360] and then moving up making progress it's beautiful for real when you think about just the last two
[00:01:42.440] years just all the stuff you did all the episodes all different types of people and subject matter
[00:01:47.000] you covered like i'm proud of you bro real talk like that's crazy you manifested the hell out of
[00:01:51.380] that I was like yo my man just went I didn't expect I thought it was gonna be like a side
[00:01:56.520] like hobby or something because I know you're a very creative person but just the fact that you
[00:02:00.160] took it where you did now we here that's amazing bro for real salute to you I appreciate it man
[00:02:05.080] I appreciate it yeah it's one of those things where every time like you were and that's why
[00:02:11.100] I wanted to bring you back on for this special episode because if not for I mean I'm sure I
[00:02:16.540] may have got into podcasting, but you had a date, you had a deadline. A lot of people, and I do
[00:02:21.980] consulting in the area for a few podcasts and everybody thinks and thinks and thinks. I didn't
[00:02:29.100] do any of that. I had like, granted I had, I worked with your brother at Royal Entertainment
[00:02:34.000] and a couple other studios. So I know the audio engineering to be able to mess with the stuff and
[00:02:40.220] the tools, but I didn't have any of the tools at the time. It was just like.
[00:02:44.620] oh it's on 11th street right yeah you remember that remember that studio wow that's when i was
[00:02:49.900] recording windows to my soul yeah that was the album cover i'll see if i have it and i can pull
[00:02:55.540] it up you had the bible in one hand and the world in the other i think that was the first one you
[00:03:00.180] did for me you know what the only thing that wasn't timeless about that album cover and those
[00:03:05.180] for those just joining now i've been doing gill's album artwork he's a lyricist out here in allentown
[00:03:10.920] pennsylvania is a huge body of work what six seven albums five mixtapes it's a lot i think i counted
[00:03:18.040] them all one day i think it's like 17 or something 17 projects maybe seven of them that's on all
[00:03:23.740] streaming platforms but yeah it's a lot of albums a lot of work but i'll see if i can throw it up
[00:03:29.140] the windows to the soul album had you the only non-timeless thing about it was the uh the white
[00:03:36.140] t oh yeah didn't we do that it was um it was outside of the mall the pictures or something
[00:03:42.900] like that i think you sent me the picture i think i don't know i remember that i don't know
[00:03:47.680] that's crazy bro when you think a body of work like two years doesn't feel so this will be i
[00:03:53.900] think episode 60 it might be an even 60 so i was doing them every week for a little bit then dropped
[00:03:59.920] to every two weeks but every time i had like a guess i remember when we had a phase and tug on
[00:04:07.860] when tug dropped his project we didn't have the ability to do more than two mics so me and phase
[00:04:15.620] are trying to figure out are we going to get a splitter like we ended up rigging it so that like
[00:04:19.680] it all worked and nobody can tell nobody knows that i was in my basement you know how many people
[00:04:24.980] tell me they're like where's your studio at and i'm like now you'd be surprised but yeah that's
[00:04:31.160] crazy that you mentioned tug i just seen him recently at music fest he was like yo the next
[00:04:35.480] one's coming so they got he's gonna be over here soon oh yeah that's what's up i can't wait to hear
[00:04:39.620] shout out to tug and phase you know i mean they're doing real big things and hip-hop around here
[00:04:43.720] crazy and he's been rapping forever you know did you hear the the new zero to one i don't wait i'm
[00:04:51.080] not sure if i is that is this new job yeah um it's like a baby on the cover so yeah yeah i just i
[00:04:56.560] didn't get to get all the way through it because i just heard about it recently i was like oh shit
[00:05:00.100] so i tried to listen to he got like everybody on there yeah so yeah it was it was pretty dope so
[00:05:04.860] you know him he's always blending like skits and then the way he he makes it cohesive the way this
[00:05:09.900] one ends it bleeds into the other track he's very artistic with the way he puts his projects
[00:05:13.820] together so shout out to phase yeah big shout out to phase and what i think has been cool about the
[00:05:18.880] podcast itself is it's put me in a position like graphic design, especially working with a couple
[00:05:24.940] artists. It's like that was my contribution since I stopped making music myself. But to have a voice,
[00:05:33.080] a podcast, you know, there's tons of people that would love to be up here, tons of people with
[00:05:37.380] projects that they want to promote. And I started to run into a thing where I'm like, man, with the
[00:05:42.880] increased likes and increased engagement comes people that, for lack of a better term, just want
[00:05:48.260] to get on the mic and shout out to everyone that reached out you know the conversation probably
[00:05:53.600] didn't go very far if that was the idea but when somebody has something to bring to the show when
[00:06:01.160] they don't ask well what's your listenership it's like well you're not paying for this anyway like
[00:06:05.660] this is us co-collaborating you know for real yeah you build real like genuine relationships
[00:06:10.940] just when you get up there you know you speak from your soul you could connect with people
[00:06:14.840] sometimes and always about like how far can this get but you never know you could be somewhere
[00:06:19.240] and because you heard an artist whether it's somebody that rhymes or they're doing something
[00:06:23.540] in the community or they're a graffiti artist whatever you could because you made that connection
[00:06:28.620] with them you could be somewhere else and you could forward them out that somebody else out
[00:06:32.860] there that could get them further it's all a big community so a lot of times people always going
[00:06:36.680] they're trying to leap to the highest person but it takes steps to get anywhere that's why
[00:06:40.560] they don't know the opportunity to miss and i bet you probably like around the first episode
[00:06:44.820] they're like i don't know if i want to get on this platform now they might see this i'm like yo
[00:06:48.880] where tony yet yeah for sure in two years two years i mean there is there is a bit of
[00:06:57.040] being able to set it up and do it but just like uh like we recently did something so i'm just
[00:07:03.850] coming off hiatus this will be the first drop in almost a month my longest break since i started
[00:07:09.530] in two years. But what I've been doing is building the pieces to be able to take the podcast
[00:07:15.530] anywhere, take it outside of the basement. You know, it's great to have a controlled environment,
[00:07:20.250] but sometimes, you know, people two years ago listened to podcasts. Nowadays, if it's not a 4k
[00:07:27.330] experience, like, you know what I mean? Like people are not even listening to us. They're
[00:07:32.170] like, Oh, I don't like the Chicago bulls. You know what I mean? Like they, they, they go in
[00:07:36.510] and visualize, which is cool. But if you're going to do it, build with it. So being able to take
[00:07:41.690] this like two phases studio, I don't know if you saw, we did an album breakdown. We listened to the
[00:07:46.250] album, uh, in his studio, the multiple camera, everything like that. It got over a thousand
[00:07:51.530] views on Facebook. That was the only platform we did it. It was like a side thing. And I'm like,
[00:07:57.370] okay, I've been doing, I will not lose for two years now. I'm still going to make content for
[00:08:01.910] that but rather than every other week have a different hip-hop artist up maybe put a different
[00:08:08.110] lane for that where these artists are lending their projects to me trusting me as an ear you
[00:08:14.030] know that's where I wanted to be so the benefits you know are we monetized are we making thousands
[00:08:19.390] of dollars off talking not yet but the skills that you learn the network of people that go into like
[00:08:27.250] i would tell anybody get into podcasting you should start a podcast i think about that all
[00:08:32.730] the time but i'm like i don't what i try to weigh out is what things can i talk about what passion
[00:08:39.790] in a brief manner and then keep it moving on a consistent basis because a lot of times you know
[00:08:46.230] when you get passionate about something you could be long-winded and i know the way um the low
[00:08:51.950] tension spans of this error is that um that doesn't work well for me and since i'm a married
[00:08:58.330] man with two children i do a lot of things it's like i want to find the most concise way that i
[00:09:03.790] could deliver that message if i can't then i kind of pull back and i kind of second guess it but i
[00:09:08.090] mean maybe you're not the first person to say that to me because i have a lot of different thoughts
[00:09:12.010] about so many different subjects so i am playing with the idea but we'll see the more i'm i'm
[00:09:17.510] and stuff like this i'm like you know maybe i should do it i should get in there but one thing
[00:09:22.010] i haven't done in over a year is record a solo episode like i had a real block i had all my
[00:09:29.650] equipment packed up i took it out for one episode since reggae fest and we could talk about that for
[00:09:36.390] a second did you see we put a little bit of content out but what happened was we recorded
[00:09:42.010] so much during reggae fest and we all have our original schedules i'm like well you know i have
[00:09:47.610] lisa measler's coming on to promote the casino night celebrity casino night uh this won't drop
[00:09:52.970] beforehand but at the time of recording this this coming up week she's got celebrities coming to
[00:09:59.150] a fundraiser to celebrate turning point of the lehigh valley i'm like you put so much energy
[00:10:05.230] into recording her episode it has to come out now so we can't just drop reggae fest for eight weeks
[00:10:10.470] so we started uh cutting it up and i got a little bit overwhelmed i was like you know
[00:10:17.090] Big shout out to Eric Rodriguez for co-hosting.
[00:10:19.830] He's been doing all the quality assurance.
[00:10:21.870] I just handed him seven interviews.
[00:10:23.750] I said, I got no energy, like six or seven.
[00:10:27.090] I was like, I cut it up.
[00:10:28.370] It's synced, but I haven't watched it.
[00:10:30.990] Like I did everything technically that it should work.
[00:10:33.410] So if you could just watch it.
[00:10:35.890] And he did.
[00:10:36.430] He just texted me last night.
[00:10:37.590] So I'm going to cut that up the rest of the time.
[00:10:40.330] I was in the barber shop yesterday before I set up here.
[00:10:43.690] I was recording a podcast at Shout Out Law, The Barber, Evan Robinson of Exalt Jiu Jitsu.
[00:10:49.450] Well, a bunch of those guys go to the barbershop and they're in my network. They're good friends
[00:10:53.470] of mine. We get together and set goals every year. So we're like, let's document this. And now
[00:10:59.670] there are other guests that are pushing me to say, OK, let me invest in some other equipment to,
[00:11:05.370] you know, when you see the movies, they don't have mics on, you know, like they may be hidden.
[00:11:10.250] but for the most part there's someone holding a boom somewhere so i'm like i wonder if we could
[00:11:14.730] just mic up the whole shop and we just i'll be fired pick everybody up even the clippers but
[00:11:19.810] now you're like in the experience rather than something like this which is like a studio
[00:11:24.130] everything's quiet people are listening in their cars like they're not listening to dmx right now
[00:11:30.690] like you know what i mean there's there's a different mode for it but my listeners
[00:11:34.570] try not to lose podcasts or not gonna get hyped up yeah i like seeing too how you you were able
[00:11:40.490] to you know what i mean um just um kind of combined with different minds because like you
[00:11:45.950] said you got overwhelmed in that one moment so it's always good to have other people around you
[00:11:49.790] that can assist you and um you have like-minded individuals that can see your vision and
[00:11:54.190] understand it and comprehend it that's the biggest thing is comprehension on that because a lot of
[00:11:58.990] times you'd be like oh yeah that's a cool little idea but once they really understand where you're
[00:12:02.830] coming from um the meaning behind it all in your heart what you really want to accomplish that's
[00:12:06.790] when people dive in they really get on board with it so there's a fact i see you expanding doing all
[00:12:11.390] these things and just just like you mentioned like your jujitsu thing which we were kind of
[00:12:15.890] talking about before like you've been in that you said all two two years now and that's that's crazy
[00:12:20.850] you know what i mean because i remember you toying with the idea before because i think i mentioned
[00:12:24.870] it to you i kind of wanted to learn something look you two years in i didn't even start yet
[00:12:28.550] you know what i mean yeah right so i was like that's that's crazy bro just to see and like
[00:12:32.710] shout out to you on that because i heard that's really hard on your body i heard people that get
[00:12:36.650] jitsu i work with this one dude he'd be coming to you like yo i feel beat up right now yo so
[00:12:42.430] i injured this shoulder uh first first year role and i was i wasn't out but like i was in pain
[00:12:49.430] training for like six months and even like basic stuff like shrimping on i'll show you later it's
[00:12:55.890] like how you get your hips away from someone uh if i go on to this side and i'm gonna give all
[00:13:01.230] my weaknesses out so when they show up at my gym i gotta take both shoulders so they don't know
[00:13:05.890] which one i'm talking about but uh no like um you train through it like they say the journey to
[00:13:14.290] black belt is like it's not a straight line up like there's a lot of valleys and you got to climb
[00:13:19.230] yourself back up you got injuries you got all sorts of stuff you got life that comes up you know
[00:13:24.150] but you do a little bit of something like people see all this equipment here they think i got a
[00:13:30.410] bank loan or something, or they think, you know, my parents just said, here's thousands of dollars
[00:13:35.310] to get all the equipment. But like that camera, I talk about it all the time. That one was $50.
[00:13:40.130] I picked it up on marketplace and drove like 10 miles. That's somebody in a Burger King parking
[00:13:45.250] lot. And I was like, I like that camera. So I sought it out, got that one off eBay. This one,
[00:13:50.210] nothing is this, this roadcaster is the only thing that was, uh, like bought out. And it's crazy
[00:13:57.990] because i only did it because i was so frustrated like after tugs i almost quit there's been like
[00:14:05.010] we could talk about all the times that i almost quit like even coming off this hiatus i was like
[00:14:10.090] would anybody notice if i just stopped putting out content like if that was just it but you run
[00:14:16.910] into people they're like oh i see you got the podcast now i'm like i guess i do i gotta do it
[00:14:23.170] you know what i mean yeah there's this it's crazy too bro because i don't know like it's like what
[00:14:28.530] you do jitsu or like me with like my fitness and working out when you push through something like
[00:14:33.670] that it also builds a resilience in your mind and gives you like more courage because when you're
[00:14:38.070] pushing through those reps it's kind of like difficult situations that you could push through
[00:14:41.890] in your life it kind of really really builds you up you know and gives you a better sense of what
[00:14:47.470] true bravery is because if you're constantly like you don't know pain until like you're you're done
[00:14:52.930] for the day and then you're still giving yourself that extra 10 minutes to put when your body's like
[00:14:57.750] got nothing left you're sweating everything your body's hurting you already worked and i still went
[00:15:02.510] to the gym and pushing out these reps and you do that over and over again your mind builds like a
[00:15:07.270] callus like yo i got this i can do this and you become empowered people don't understand just like
[00:15:12.150] by health as well just by taking care of yourself doing different things moving your body using it
[00:15:17.350] in positive ways. And, you know what I mean? Just keeping yourself and watching your diet as well.
[00:15:23.170] Cause you know, there's a lot of toxins and stuff that can go on our food, but when you just look
[00:15:28.090] at it all and you take care of yourself, you feel better. And then you want to do more. Now I've
[00:15:32.570] seen something just recently by people just doing squats. You, they end up living longer. Why?
[00:15:38.110] Because when your legs are strong, that means you want to physically get up and go do things.
[00:15:42.190] So the longer you're moving and doing things, the less you're sitting idle and going to just
[00:15:46.310] wither away and die so having strong legs for a long period of time is going to make you live
[00:15:51.250] longer because you're going to be out there doing shit so just thinking a little shit like that
[00:15:55.130] people oh why are you in the gym i don't feel like doing all that well if you don't if you don't
[00:15:59.410] invest in in your health now you're going to be in having to invest in your illness later because
[00:16:04.570] now you're paying all these bills so that's why i look at it like that like when i when me and my
[00:16:09.290] wife and go to the gym together and stuff like that it's not about oh i don't want you to blow
[00:16:14.570] up on me it's more like i made a commitment to be with you for the rest of my life and you said the
[00:16:19.590] same thing to me so the best thing that i could do that is to be here as long as i can for you
[00:16:24.630] and our children how can i do that by taking care of me not just physically but my mind too because
[00:16:29.710] we all go through shit you know yeah as men's black men you know we go through a lot of shit
[00:16:34.090] all the time that we hold in our hearts and our minds and we need to keep ourselves in a healthy
[00:16:38.650] space set boundaries um know when we need time to ourself and be honest with that like there's
[00:16:45.590] times that i've learned over the years people might have wanted me to go someplace i'm like
[00:16:49.730] you know what i can't do that and maybe when i was younger i'd be like you drag yourself into it and
[00:16:53.730] then your energy's bad around people that you love i've learned to just walk away and be like you
[00:16:57.910] know what i'm gonna get up with you later i need this time for myself but that comes with growth
[00:17:02.250] bro you just gotta learn yourself and then keep moving forward with positivity that's how i look
[00:17:07.070] at it. You know what I mean? That was a Thursday for me. Well, we're recording this on a Saturday
[00:17:11.830] morning, Thursday, or maybe it was Wednesday at this point, but I was up from pretty much
[00:17:17.590] eight in the morning till about two or 3am. Like I put 16 hours in and I was spent, but I also had
[00:17:26.160] to get up for a dentist appointment at eight 30 the next morning. So for three days before that
[00:17:32.820] 16 hours i was only sleeping three four hours and some of it was cutting up reggae fest content
[00:17:39.100] because i was like this just isn't gonna sit anywhere like i was like you're just gonna do it
[00:17:42.640] but i also had projects i took on you know like you said i still see this as a hobby like all
[00:17:48.830] the guests come on they're like this is a passion now it's like yeah you could be passionate about
[00:17:53.390] a hobby but i wanted to finish cutting a little bit yesterday and thursday night i just it was
[00:18:01.350] like 6 p.m i had nothing on i wasn't going to sleep but i had no music i might have thrown on
[00:18:06.930] binaural beats you know my phone was off all the lights are off and i'm just laying on the couch
[00:18:12.430] no stimuli at all i was like i need this to like i'm so tired i'm starting to hallucinate i'm seeing
[00:18:19.490] things weird and then like i remind myself okay this is the grind when you don't have sleep and
[00:18:25.110] you don't have that mental health that's when the negative thoughts start to creep in you know what
[00:18:30.110] i mean 100 bro for real that's why it's funny you say that um my my job is 20 minutes away from
[00:18:37.290] my house i get up three hours before i have to be there because i need to set myself up before i'm
[00:18:43.330] able to deal with people i meditate you know i sit there and i when i'm driving to work i don't even
[00:18:49.030] listen to music i listen to like frequencies like 528 hertz or 963 hertz or 174 to deal with pain
[00:18:55.490] and stuff like that and i just let that and i kind of just zoned out and then once i park in
[00:18:59.930] the parking lot, like 45 minutes before I have to sign it, I sit there and I'll do breathing
[00:19:04.190] techniques because I have to get myself right. And in a peaceful state before I deal with all
[00:19:08.710] these people that I deal with every day, because I want people to get the best version of me.
[00:19:13.250] You never know what somebody else is going through. So if I'm at the best version of myself,
[00:19:17.310] then when they speak to me, I can bathe in gratitude and lead with love in any situation.
[00:19:22.070] And that's why, that way, by the end of the day, when I look at myself in the mirror, you know,
[00:19:25.770] I'm like, you know, I'm proud of you, Gil. You know, you did the best you could. You set yourself
[00:19:29.270] fought for success. So even if you didn't, if you didn't run to the goal, I jogged to that shit.
[00:19:34.370] You know what I mean? At least I got there. You know what I mean? So, and that's how I look at,
[00:19:37.690] I hold myself accountable every day. Did I do enough today? Did I look in this person's eyes
[00:19:44.050] when I was talking to them? Did I give them my full attention or did I have my phone in my hand
[00:19:48.630] and act like what they were saying wasn't important, wasn't vital to me? I look at all
[00:19:53.770] the things that I do as a human being and I try and I push every day to get better. Why? Because
[00:19:58.350] not only for me, but my kids, my kids, they see me every day. If my energy is off, it's going to
[00:20:03.810] kind of disrupt their growth and their process. That's why every day, like I talk to my son and
[00:20:10.130] he calls me before he goes to school. Cause I'm out of the house before anybody wakes up. He calls
[00:20:14.250] me and we have a mantra that we do every day because I want to like inception, put things in
[00:20:19.170] his mind. I tell him every day and we go through a mantra that we say and say, I am honest. I am
[00:20:24.550] pure. I'm loving. I will be the best I can be today. I am a champion in life. I have him saying
[00:20:30.470] these things. I don't just say it. I'll say, now say it back to me. And then we say, you got this
[00:20:34.670] baby. I have to say that because that's my prince. He's going to be a king. And I got to make sure
[00:20:39.830] he feels that and knows from his dad, from the day that when he starts his day and he's like,
[00:20:44.710] before I even get to school around other kids, I know that this man loves me. He got my back.
[00:20:48.770] And I'm going to be an honest, pure, loving individual. And I'm a champion in life. And I
[00:20:52.430] got this. I tell him that every day, even on my worst days when I'm just like, damn, I'm out of
[00:20:57.370] it. I'm tired. He deserves the energy from me because he's my legacy. Before I affect anybody
[00:21:03.310] else, I need to affect him. And that's how I look at it. I give him a kiss on the forehead every day.
[00:21:07.950] I kiss my daughter. I let her know I love her with all my heart because they need to hear these
[00:21:12.090] things. And that's the future. People, they work so much and we do a lot, but you still need to
[00:21:18.350] look at your kids in the eyes and tell them how important they are how much value they have that
[00:21:22.730] they can do everything and if you fall i got you i'm right here you know i mean for sure and that's
[00:21:27.670] how i look at it bro is um i think so deeply and passionate about things but i make sure i start
[00:21:32.990] on my home first because if my home is terrible how can i go outside and try to teach anybody
[00:21:37.310] anything they're gonna look at me like yo your home is trash bro for sure so that's why i want
[00:21:41.530] to i try to lead by example and then learn from people too as i you know i mean every day as i
[00:21:46.150] get older it's easy to have the perception on facebook or anything like that but before i get
[00:21:51.650] into that i wanted to ask you do you parent different between the boy and the girl uh yes
[00:21:58.420] and no i mean my oldest she she's so bright she's very smart she's like he's a class president she
[00:22:06.620] gets straight a's like she's she's incredible her mind like i was just talking to her like i
[00:22:11.580] to drop her off at dance before i came here and like sometimes i forget i'm talking to my kid
[00:22:16.620] because we're just she's telling me she's very into um like science and stuff so she's breaking
[00:22:22.140] down all this stuff that she learned to me and i'm just like yo i didn't even know that like
[00:22:26.080] so it's the way i talk to her is a little different because when you're raising a woman
[00:22:31.950] it's more like i kind of let my wife lead in that manner because she's a woman so she understands
[00:22:37.970] more what she's going through first. I look at it for a source of protection and I let her know
[00:22:42.990] that she's loved and I, and I give her her space. Like the moment, you know what I mean? She started
[00:22:48.570] hitting puberty and stuff like that. I was like, all right, I don't walk in the door. I knock,
[00:22:52.870] I give her her space. You know what I mean? That is your time and stuff like that. So it's kind of
[00:22:58.010] like, I set her up in a way that you're always going to be protected and I'm here, but you're
[00:23:02.760] allowed to live your life. Just respect the rules in the house, be a good human being that respects
[00:23:07.740] people always say how you feel. I tell her that all the time. I was like, but if you're speaking
[00:23:12.760] to an adult, just do it in a respectful way, baby. But I don't want you holding it how you feel
[00:23:17.180] because that's how you build up resentment. I was like, if you think I'm wrong about something,
[00:23:21.360] I will give you the space, the voice that just don't ever disrespect me when you're told don't
[00:23:24.640] be yelling at me, but I will listen to everything you have to say because you're going through
[00:23:28.520] something. You're living in a period of time that's different from mine. Like I blew her mind
[00:23:32.560] today just by telling her um that we actually all used to have to use faucet water at one point
[00:23:38.880] she thought that there was water bottles all our life bro she was like really i was like yes
[00:23:44.200] like there was a point like just oh you remember how big i forgot about crazy right because like
[00:23:50.400] it was a whole thing about plastic like you get the little magazines in school and they'd be like
[00:23:54.660] all these water bottles are in the ocean and stuff like that yeah like that blew her mind she was
[00:23:59.640] like what like she i was like i was like i'm dead ass i'm like i'm dead ass there's a couple of them
[00:24:04.720] that blow my mind when i'm talking to my son about like even just accessibility to music you know
[00:24:11.080] what i mean like he's i mean we have all this this is still somewhat analog but like he's got
[00:24:17.180] an interface to go into his phone or we're gonna get him one because he wants to learn like but
[00:24:22.540] my son does think i'm the man he was at our podcast yesterday and he thinks all the stuff
[00:24:29.030] i do is cool but i think there's something where he wants to kind of like make it his own way or
[00:24:34.560] whatever which i can respect like you know what i mean personality's developing yeah i didn't come
[00:24:40.340] from nepotism so why would i just be like okay you know he's into music and stuff like that
[00:24:45.620] he's got a train to a certain point i told him and we've agreed he has to have five tracks ready
[00:24:52.300] before we can go to producers and say hey help me with this with a sound or shop beats or anything
[00:24:57.840] like this you're not just recording into your phone on you know what i mean with airpods
[00:25:03.900] throwing the beat over top uploading it to tiktok and going and swiping your tiktok account when we
[00:25:09.300] go to like you know some of the producers in this area so um i'm gonna bring him through it but like
[00:25:15.580] i push him you gotta you gotta be ready to create this you gotta look we got time you're this old
[00:25:21.460] you have nothing but time i'm not gonna push you like crazy but now that you started high school
[00:25:27.660] like especially if you don't have crazy homework like that like he goes to a music school you know
[00:25:32.820] what i mean so you should be shooting your own music video you have all the tools and i could
[00:25:37.880] show you here's how you do it and stuff but he shows me stuff i didn't know about cap cut before
[00:25:42.760] my son and a lot of videographers will say cap cut look at the time of recording this cap cut got
[00:25:48.880] more users than the subscription stuff and granted it's free but there's a constant change in whatever
[00:25:56.200] you do. Like, I like how you said you don't live in the same world. And that's how we kind of went
[00:26:00.580] off. Like for you to recognize that all you could do is set your kids up to do the best in their
[00:26:05.380] world for me is big on pushing them to do stuff with information. Like, and I started that before
[00:26:12.540] disinformation was rampant, but like you used to have to walk to the one room schoolhouse to get
[00:26:20.000] the books on the wall, like an encyclopedia Britannica, there might be one for the village
[00:26:24.480] or whatever like now everybody has access to all information always you got to know what to do with
[00:26:32.400] that yeah and this it's very um on the other side too just with um having a son also like with my
[00:26:40.420] son in particular it's always going to be a little bit different than my daughter the older he gets
[00:26:45.400] because my daughter is always going to be like behind me protection you know until like if she
[00:26:52.300] gets married and then now she's protected by her husband my son I kind of got to be like all right
[00:26:57.520] at a certain point you got to pick up the shield and a spear you know you got to learn how to do
[00:27:02.400] exactly what I'm doing so it's a different mindset it's kind of like a passion that's
[00:27:06.520] a torch you're going to be the man you're going to be the protector of your own space at some point
[00:27:10.380] if my daughter gets married she's going to be protected by her husband and I'll still be like
[00:27:15.700] a different form of protection from her but that's going to be her primary source of protection
[00:27:19.820] as her husband, if she chooses to get married and same thing, my son, he's going to have to
[00:27:25.140] learn the responsibility of it all. And so there is a bit more of a toughness, but because he's
[00:27:30.560] only 11 right now, I'm not like crazy on him about it, but I just, I do let him know certain
[00:27:35.520] things. Like you have to be firm like this. Like he just sees the way, like I opened doors for,
[00:27:40.860] for his mom, just the way, yeah. Or when he opens up the doors and he'll see the way I do,
[00:27:47.000] or I walk on outside of the street,
[00:27:48.800] like little gentlemen-like things.
[00:27:50.400] So hopefully one day when he has to court a woman
[00:27:53.200] that he's very interested in,
[00:27:55.400] he'll be more gentleman-like.
[00:27:57.500] He'll speak to them properly.
[00:27:59.400] He won't say derogatory comments
[00:28:02.140] that'll bring their energy down.
[00:28:04.200] He'll know how to present himself
[00:28:05.400] in a way that he comes off as intelligent,
[00:28:08.440] loving, caring, but still strong
[00:28:10.360] and willing to protect you.
[00:28:11.860] And those things take time.
[00:28:13.000] I don't like to try to rush those on him
[00:28:14.780] because he's still a kid
[00:28:15.640] and he's like in the video games
[00:28:16.980] and he's dancing so i as as he talks to me and i see our conversation progressing then i add
[00:28:22.140] something all right now now maybe i'm gonna give you this extra chore and stuff like that i don't
[00:28:26.180] want to rush it on him because i always tell my kids be a kid for as long as you can be because
[00:28:31.060] this world is ridiculous i was like i was like and i got your back you know what i mean same way
[00:28:36.660] and uh you got to meet the kids where they're at like uh my daughter doesn't respond the same way
[00:28:42.560] as my son so you have to have not let you can still have the same morals and the same values
[00:28:47.560] you're trying to instill but like you can't do it the same way you know and our parents it seems to
[00:28:54.780] be a thing because our parents said oh you guys don't know how good you have it generation before
[00:28:58.980] them was like you guys don't know how good you had it we survived a plague a world war we're
[00:29:03.900] hoarding napkins we're thinking they're gonna drop the bombs on us you know what i mean you guys go
[00:29:08.360] to college. So it's like, uh, you know, you grow and you go from there and it's easy to have a
[00:29:14.300] great outward looking, you know what I mean? Like there's accomplishments and stuff and we have
[00:29:19.660] problems and we have great things that I'm, I look at other people, but it's all a matter of
[00:29:26.220] perspective. You know, like you can never tell there's no book on parenting that says you did
[00:29:30.760] it right. There's no way you could do it right. And your child still ends up in prison or doing
[00:29:36.360] something wrong it happens all the time so it's like you don't have we're not with our kids right
[00:29:42.120] now yeah they're being influenced by some outsourced outside force right now so you know i
[00:29:48.960] like the i like to lead by example that's one of my biggest ways of parenting you know what i mean
[00:29:54.760] i may not have the strictest hand with my daughter you know she says i can't really figure out what
[00:30:01.160] your major flaws are i was like don't get me wrong i have them but i'm constantly working on them you
[00:30:07.600] know what i mean whether it's journaling or going to therapy or having somebody to bounce off you
[00:30:13.020] know what i mean i get my kids all into that and supporting strong mental health you know they
[00:30:18.420] don't get the sleep just yet i'm trying to and and when you're younger it works a little bit
[00:30:23.480] more in your favor you know you can get off on five six hours but yeah you know um i remember
[00:30:29.920] when i first had my son and i saw what it was like to not sleep the whole night before that
[00:30:36.010] like even my early 20s it was just like you can go to sleep and you can get up when you have to
[00:30:42.330] and do what you have to do for the day now it's like oh no there's this schedule as somebody else
[00:30:47.310] is so that's wild i don't miss those sleepless days that was crazy i'm glad to see you're still
[00:30:52.330] doing the getting up three hours i should cut pieces from our original i gotta see how much
[00:30:57.090] time i have to put this out but i would cut from the original conversation when you're like
[00:31:00.870] i get up two hours before i think you said two back then now it's three
[00:31:05.210] you get older you get less tolerant of people like no i need that extra hour bro
[00:31:10.890] should be crazy out here man no the worst for me is after i'm working like 16 like that day that
[00:31:17.190] i worked 16 hours uh big shout out to cliff of los domineros but we were going over the reality
[00:31:24.050] show that I'm working on with him. So after my day contract, I worked for a little bit,
[00:31:29.410] drove out to him and then drove out to my buddy Ron, the host of Fed Up Podcast. And we're getting
[00:31:35.010] him moved from audio to video. Like I said, I was doing podcast consultation. I'm sitting there and
[00:31:40.530] I'm like, you know, a little bit ago I said, this is a lane I want to get into, that it was going
[00:31:45.250] to be hard to find me without a mic. And then by putting my head down and saying like, okay,
[00:31:49.550] I'm going to do it I'm here manifesting it so even though it's hard work I'm not sad but I had
[00:31:56.110] five meetings at the day contract two meetings after that throughout 16 hours I met with seven
[00:32:01.830] eight people and each of those people I need to give the energy of the first person of the day
[00:32:08.070] you know I can't give you different energy because I'm tired or whatever and you do but you got to
[00:32:13.210] just be cognizant of it. So when I walked to Wawa to get something to eat, like I've literally had
[00:32:20.350] problems just like a week or two ago, somebody came up to me. They're like, do you feel some
[00:32:24.290] sort of way? I'm like, dude, I'm just so tired. You know what I mean? I'm like, I had a long day
[00:32:29.290] and stuff. I was like, geez. So even that woke me up. I'm like, okay, maybe just hit the drive
[00:32:36.890] through, take a little longer, but don't get out the car. If you're that tired, like there's certain
[00:32:41.030] Sometimes you just need to not be around people.
[00:32:43.110] Yeah, those little pockets of space that you get in between things is everything.
[00:32:47.110] Like, that's why I said sometimes I dry out and even play music, bro.
[00:32:50.170] You sometimes just need to be with your thoughts.
[00:32:52.190] You need that personal time to be like, all right, how am I going to say this?
[00:32:55.530] How am I going to move?
[00:32:56.570] And you need that because we're so overly stimulated by everything.
[00:33:01.230] It's insane.
[00:33:01.610] We don't, people hate quiet.
[00:33:03.470] Like, tell a person to be quiet for 10 minutes.
[00:33:05.730] Like, turn off your phone, turn off the TV, and just go stand outside and just close your eyes.
[00:33:09.830] most people can't do it. They're so jittery because we're overstimulated. You could just
[00:33:13.930] scroll all day. You got Netflix, you got billions of things to watch. You could go so many different
[00:33:19.310] places. It's like they don't know how to keep their mind still. But when I've kept my mind
[00:33:25.290] silent is when I found the most beautiful discoveries about myself and what I really
[00:33:29.850] wanted. And sometimes you push things off because I'm busy. I got this responsibility. I need to
[00:33:35.030] think about this, but you keep going down that rabbit hole. Soon, you're going to forget who
[00:33:39.970] you are and you're just going to be basically like a machine. You're going to be operating
[00:33:44.450] on all these mental systems and your cerebellum that are constantly just moving. It's kind of
[00:33:50.190] like you ever be driving somewhere that you're familiar with and then lose time for like 10
[00:33:55.190] minutes. And then you'd be like, dang, you know, you were driving, your body was still doing it,
[00:33:59.250] but you lost time is because that's all in your cerebellum. Like you get, it becomes a program.
[00:34:04.190] so at some point we become zombies literally we're just our minds operating off of familiar systems
[00:34:10.150] that's why you got to like bring awareness to it where am i at right now um what am i doing i'm in
[00:34:15.550] front of a mic it has a blue ring like had i not just looked at it i wouldn't even know that it
[00:34:20.070] was a blue ring yeah no it's beautiful look where we look where we are right now it's hard with the
[00:34:25.990] headphones on too watch do this for a second take the noise canceling off we're really here right
[00:34:30.610] like yo i hear everything the frequencies are speaking to me these are a while in this shit
[00:34:36.730] no but um yeah so do you have any new projects coming up you mentioned to me when i saw you uh
[00:34:43.330] at allen when i saw you at allen yeah that's right that was at allen that was at the performance
[00:34:47.570] yeah um yeah both of our sons was kendrick was dancing and jay was uh singing coldplay
[00:34:52.950] yeah that's dope yeah um i just finished recording an album um not too long ago right now it's in the
[00:34:59.390] mixing and mastering phases you know once i get done with that then i send you the album we start
[00:35:04.050] working on the cover so um yeah right now it's in mixing and mastering but my recording portion is
[00:35:09.350] done um yeah it's called conquer and cultivate cc so um yeah it's a very very deep album but
[00:35:20.330] it's had but it's so versatile it's one of those albums that's it's um it's deeper than it feels
[00:35:26.570] initially because it's got a lot of energy to it's a more um especially in the first half of
[00:35:32.210] it's really anthem based um but everything that i'm saying in there is definitely a reflection
[00:35:37.690] of how i feel now and just um different things that i've observed in the world and just um
[00:35:46.540] came to that peace with from going through my own journey with therapy and just looking out in the
[00:35:52.900] world and sometimes just like what we did with like be okay a couple years ago and um just putting
[00:35:58.630] yourself out there with people you just you really get in a space where you want to take the time
[00:36:04.090] where if i am writing i want to say something important there's something that means something
[00:36:09.370] to me you know what i mean like i sit down i'm not just like oh let me get at this dude's net
[00:36:14.250] and the hip-hop story and that's still good because that's what we came up on but like i'll
[00:36:19.210] just sit there and it's like you know i mean what i discovered all my years in this earth your
[00:36:24.310] respect is defined by the cheers and the turf is bullshit and the cause of the fears that you birth
[00:36:29.270] now we're drowning from the waves of the tears we could serve uh so this is victory you hear the
[00:36:33.710] track spitting i'm trying for my people that thought we lack winning i speak truth leaving
[00:36:38.350] the bulk of the flack then and showing love and adulation for all of my black women alice h parker
[00:36:43.570] born in new jersey gets a spotlight this queen is too worthy highly educated out of how would
[00:36:49.070] university graduated with honors i'm pledging respect so earnestly these days we flaunt our
[00:36:54.130] last purchase this woman here invented the gas furnace don't get me started on how women get it
[00:36:59.930] down that reminds me marie van britain brown jamaica queens new york is where she's from
[00:37:05.010] but living in the slums made her calculate the sum of her creative mind drenched in the purity
[00:37:09.450] wisdom was in the soul and made the first security system like that's the shit i want to talk about
[00:37:14.850] now in my 40s you know what i mean yeah i don't want to just talk shit for you know i mean i want
[00:37:19.370] to give you some shit from my soul you know i mean that i really feel that um is articulate
[00:37:24.430] and it's expressive of um knowledge and wisdom and passing out something and really telling you
[00:37:29.430] what's in my soul and that's it sometimes it takes you a minute to get to a point where everything
[00:37:33.750] you rap um comes out like that you know what i mean that was the uh do you hear that verse i put
[00:37:39.930] on john i shot a music video it might have been this year it might have been last year or whatever
[00:37:44.210] it was was it your song where you just featured on it i was featured on it featured on it right
[00:37:48.870] where you was i was the positive light to like the whole thing i do remember you sharing that
[00:37:55.500] the one time i do remember i was like i didn't think it was your song i think you weren't
[00:37:59.240] somebody else i thought it was a feature because if you would have dropped the album i'd be like
[00:38:02.200] yo what is it coming out but no my point was no there's only so much energy i could put to music
[00:38:07.260] like i had to do something to see and it was just right i heard the beat he's like you should write
[00:38:11.400] something to this then it was like you should record something then it was like we should shoot
[00:38:15.520] a music video so it was like all right you know one thing led to another we put it he's like nah
[00:38:21.700] the thing is it was all mental health you know what i mean like i said self-love and reflection
[00:38:26.600] now that's success now i put together um just a positive verse speaking on positivity speaking
[00:38:33.200] about self-reflection speaking about coming and having your back against the wall and then like
[00:38:39.120] getting out of it like that's a flex you know what i mean um i'll put the verse in just so people
[00:38:45.200] could hear it or whatever it's worth or i'll just cut this whole section out we'll figure it out but
[00:38:50.620] uh no that was dope that was dope what you dropped man i'm excited to hear the album what do you have
[00:38:56.020] for beats and instrumentation like uh you're using the same producer yeah my boy yeah triple threes
[00:39:02.120] he's he's doing most of the album and then um my boy um mr soundproof who did um half the
[00:39:09.040] production on my last album um right into hill so i have both of them again you know i mean they're
[00:39:15.720] that you know i'm getting something from mr soundproof he's more um when he plays me beats
[00:39:20.580] he he's like like real anthem based so like his stuff has a lot of energy to it so his tracks
[00:39:26.500] tend to get me in like my my hype bag and then um like triple threes he gets me in my contemplative
[00:39:34.140] like i'm very like oh man i gotta think of the i'm thinking the most creative stuff ever when
[00:39:39.340] i'm on his type of beats or i'm i'm get really long-winded on his stuff because his stuff is
[00:39:45.020] really like like musical he'll start it off with this sound and by the time the track ends it then
[00:39:50.300] formulate into something else it's like a living breathing thing whereas mr soundproof is give you
[00:39:55.180] those anthems you're like it's like a you need a hook you need a dope hook yeah like as soon as i
[00:40:00.460] you know as soon as i hear mr soundproof stuff my boy angel like i get i'll immediately start
[00:40:05.660] thinking of hooks sounds like oh this feels like a single like but when i get triple threes i'm like
[00:40:11.260] i'm thinking of the album cut stuff like that he gets me in my album cut bag where i want to do my
[00:40:15.820] really detailed writing and stuff like that so by putting the both of those energies together because
[00:40:20.460] they were both throwing me beats like crazy i just started piecing together album and it and i wrote
[00:40:25.820] And it's crazy because I wrote it slow
[00:40:28.220] Like what you hear is going to have so much depth
[00:40:30.260] And so much stuff
[00:40:31.200] Like that one verse I spit is on a track there
[00:40:34.340] But I wrote this stuff slow
[00:40:36.120] Like in between me being a husband, a father working
[00:40:39.240] I wasn't rushed
[00:40:40.700] I'm not on a label
[00:40:41.680] So I could write it as I want to, you know what I mean?
[00:40:44.480] But it came out beautifully
[00:40:45.640] And I'm very excited for the world to hear it
[00:40:48.420] Like I cannot wait, bro
[00:40:49.920] Like I was just writing this
[00:40:51.420] I was like, because we know as MCs
[00:40:54.260] certain albums we do where i like go highly conceptual like my palm readings i know people
[00:40:59.580] that want to get lit ain't listening to that that's like the more headphone album but when i
[00:41:03.940] did um when the music speaks out was all soul samples that's more like the 90s vibe and stuff
[00:41:10.310] like that when i did the now i know album i had more trap stuff on there so that was the one that
[00:41:14.830] the younger um generation loved the most because they had more trap sounds on it you know i mean
[00:41:19.610] this is the type of album literally all those groups you could just just press play you're
[00:41:24.490] gonna love the album that's how crazy it is because i have so many sounds coming at me so
[00:41:28.630] my style is constantly changing i'm doing different um cadences and um just the way my
[00:41:35.350] couplets are coming together and it just happened organically and when i put it all together i was
[00:41:39.770] like wow this album is very cohesive but it goes so many different directions you know i mean and
[00:41:44.970] i really love the way it feels i was going over it with some people and they were like yo
[00:41:48.670] this is crazy bro so i can't wait for the world to hear i feel like i'm about to like
[00:41:54.590] have a get rich or die trying moment around here like if it feels like it's the one it just feels
[00:42:00.770] like it but i would like it would be bittersweet because i'm at the point where i rap for
[00:42:06.150] therapeutic purposes and because i'm an mc i don't really look at it as oh i'm trying to like
[00:42:11.170] you know i mean take over the world like i did in 07 or something like i don't look at it like
[00:42:15.430] that anymore I'm like at peace with the fact that I just love being an emcee and I do it for the
[00:42:19.970] culture well I let all the tiktok comments bounce off you know what I mean I let all the tiktok the
[00:42:25.950] whole uh your beat selection could be this by the way I sell beats go to govillabeats.com five
[00:42:31.610] dollars for a three-pack it's like the the world it's funny because it's that is kind of the way
[00:42:37.330] it was you just had people physically coming up to you and trying to sell you beats like there was
[00:42:42.290] no rights there was no like distro kid or as cap it was just like yo i got five beats pay me fifty
[00:42:49.070] dollars you could have them that's crazy but why watch this would be the one that that everybody
[00:42:54.310] starts flocking to and they like now they want you to start some crazy career i'm like man you
[00:42:58.230] want to do this to me i'm in my 40s now i'm trying to chill bro now now this would be the one to blow
[00:43:03.090] up right it'd be crazy i mean i'll take it whatever but i mean i'm at peace where i'm at
[00:43:08.450] you know i do there's people that i guess they'll do the culture um and about oh you're too you're
[00:43:16.740] too old to rep you're only too old to rep if you're not handling responsibilities yeah no absolutely
[00:43:21.760] we we talked about that where we had angel up here hitman uh angel hey on the his episode title is
[00:43:30.280] keep creating because he's like everybody thinks you got to be like a teenager they think you got
[00:43:34.100] to be you know 19 years old to create content and all that and it's like even when i talk to
[00:43:39.800] younger streamers because i don't try to sun anybody i don't be like we know the way it is
[00:43:44.380] i'm like yo if you if you're in high school now and you got four hours a day to mess around with
[00:43:49.680] cap cut you're gonna be like a movie director by the time like just because you know the tools
[00:43:54.860] it's easier to do the things that took longer before so when i'm talking to younger streamers
[00:44:00.840] they're like look you can stream this you're just going to gather the crowd that's more into the
[00:44:05.540] positivity and the stuff like that you know it's not going to be so much entertainment and
[00:44:11.320] we also got to take advantage of the fact that we don't look young i hate that you said you were in
[00:44:17.560] your 40s because even without the gray beard like you know what i mean you could tell you're healthy
[00:44:21.500] so it's like hey if you don't have a radio like if you got a radio face they call it you know
[00:44:28.440] there's still plenty of lane for audio only podcasts that you don't have to go video or
[00:44:33.900] anything like that that's true that's very true you know there's a lot of good things going on
[00:44:39.160] in this area he just came to the top of my mind shout out to chino gomez over at the podcast house
[00:44:44.480] they got a bunch of shows coming out there right down the street from here
[00:44:48.720] got a lot of different things going on uh i don't know if i'm allowed to announce it yet but he's
[00:44:54.660] been having all over facebook uh johnny bills has got a podcast he's working on putting together
[00:45:00.040] nice talking to him consulting uh big shout out to all the music that dropped this year i've been
[00:45:06.420] really listening to the local scene thinking off the top of my head eric rose quesa the artist
[00:45:12.910] johnny bills i've been listening to a lot of 0610 definitely phase one devin haley was in my top
[00:45:19.830] five like if i throw my dj on for spotify it plays mostly local music nice um a town slim
[00:45:27.310] for sure everybody in that whole lane that that phase produces and stuff is without great projects
[00:45:34.030] i just started getting into black dre big shout out to black dre his name comes up all the time
[00:45:40.010] but i was late to hop on to the music so um there's still a couple other people that i want
[00:45:45.930] to do more of a deep dive into Murdoch. Um, but it's cool to have a ear to the point where people
[00:45:55.580] are like, okay, look, he's not trying to exploit all the artists and get them up here to sell
[00:46:04.280] content and tick tocks and pay nothing back. Like I'm up here to collaborate with artists, with
[00:46:09.340] like minds, with people. It's not even just a hip hop thing. You know, some of the people I've had
[00:46:14.100] in recovery. Those episodes have done really well where people need to hear that there is a
[00:46:20.020] light on the other end of the tunnel, if that makes sense. Like, I like to hear the story of,
[00:46:26.120] like you said, I'm not, and that's the original premise of our first episode. It's like, I'm not
[00:46:30.820] Jay-Z, you know, but this is what music does for me. This is that therapy. And I had no idea the
[00:46:36.860] podcast would be such a level for therapy myself. And that's why I'm sitting up here and I'm like,
[00:46:42.560] do i want to go back to doing the solo episodes where like people connected do i want to keep
[00:46:48.820] doing the like where do i want to go with this and then i just sit meditate and pray on the fact
[00:46:54.200] that we're here like we're still doing it after two years who knows where we'll be in a year from
[00:46:59.560] now we'll be in a castle the fortress right i'm gonna have a crown on it the whole room
[00:47:07.320] it we're flying first class with mr elon musk right now because nah i can never get elon musk
[00:47:13.060] because i shouted out that i didn't want him when i first started the podcast i was like i don't want
[00:47:16.880] the elon musk's i don't want the i want the they're gonna pull up the clips yeah right they
[00:47:21.880] got the receipts i'm sorry but uh yeah no but um even just to be uh the podcast producer even just
[00:47:31.360] for people to be like yo let me pick your brain let me do this and stuff and let me throw you a
[00:47:35.600] couple bucks for your expertise i'm like that's super dope but you man if you want to start a
[00:47:41.520] podcast you want to put this stuff together i mean let me know i'm always upgrading equipment
[00:47:46.880] but these mics you can get for less than 100 bucks and i uh yeah man that's the biggest reason
[00:47:53.520] i don't do the the live you know oh that's shout out to dj focus podcast he's gotta you you check
[00:48:00.660] them out on thursdays at all i haven't had to put you on a dj focus man big shout out to them
[00:48:05.860] and quantitated they have a show they go live pull like 50 to 100 viewers every week and people are
[00:48:12.840] going nuts in the chat they talk about things that i'd be scared to talk about you know what i mean
[00:48:18.220] like controversial with a little bit but it's cool because they have differing opinions it's not
[00:48:23.600] arguments you know it's highly watchable so big shout out to them uh that's a tutty podcast with
[00:48:29.980] gt roberts you can't be in the scene and not know the scene as well too and know who's making moves
[00:48:37.390] and stuff and you just watch for a little bit empower 610 you know what i mean they're coming
[00:48:42.270] back or have they been off a hiatus for a little bit they've been putting out content dope
[00:48:47.090] individuals only with eric rodriguez um i could get you on there when you're ready to drop the
[00:48:54.210] album he'll definitely interview you he's got a great show that's hard yeah i'm so good i don't
[00:48:59.730] even have a release date yet for real for i'm just trying to like because you know you got you got
[00:49:04.730] bills to pay and getting mixing mastering and all that so that costs money so i'm just trying to
[00:49:09.590] make sure it come out right but i'm i'm proud of it like i got the you know the the half mixed
[00:49:15.010] version that i listened to just to make sure my performance is right and i'm happy with it already
[00:49:19.490] and it's not even mixing master yet so i can't bro i can't wait for you to hear this album you
[00:49:23.930] i'm like yo bro this is this is different but it's fire you know it's like it's like an immediate
[00:49:29.170] it you know what i mean it's not something that has to grow on you you feel it right away you
[00:49:33.570] know what i mean so just like if that that verse that i spit was any indication that's like i'm
[00:49:39.170] just going different areas this is where my brain and where it took me yeah i mean where it took me
[00:49:44.130] this is what i wanted to say in that moment this was in my heart and i just wrote it no and i can
[00:49:48.690] relate with that so drop before i spit drop your uh any promos you got coming up anyone you want
[00:49:54.370] want to shout out just just my family you know my family my wife my kids my brother my niece my
[00:50:02.850] nephews like i love y'all you know i mean just in anybody that i come in contact with on the daily
[00:50:10.270] you know that um i interact with that affects me in any positive way or just shares um their
[00:50:17.590] experience with me whether positive or negative just know that it's a place of learning and growth
[00:50:24.430] me at all times i look at every experience as a an opportunity for growth i try not to um
[00:50:31.780] just kind of rest on the fact that um oh this this is bad's happening to me and the world hates me
[00:50:39.060] i believe every day that i have a choice and i try not to stay angry at things because most of
[00:50:44.820] the things that happen to us is really most of our reaction it'd be like 10 of what actually happened
[00:50:51.140] into 90 reaction if somebody comes in here right now while we're doing this podcast he's like y'all
[00:50:56.000] suck i could be like all right cool and then they could walk away and then we continue the podcast
[00:51:00.800] or i could be like yo who you talking to son and then stand up fight everything gets messed up
[00:51:05.560] glass breaks and now we're in prison like all that happened because i didn't know how to handle
[00:51:11.400] myself and that because you didn't know how to react exactly and that's how life is like we
[00:51:15.680] we want to punch people and break everything in here instead of just being like all right cool
[00:51:19.680] and keeping it moving and having a beautiful day and when you look at things through that lens you
[00:51:24.360] realize like you know a lot of my shit that happens to me is my fault i try to blame everybody else
[00:51:29.800] but really you might lack maturity you know that you need and then the emotional maturity that's
[00:51:36.380] the one thing people don't have emotional maturity i can talk i'm out of space and i'm so proud to
[00:51:41.480] say this more than almost anything is that i can literally talk about anything and not get defensive
[00:51:48.180] somebody could ask me any type of question and I could be like, all right, then I could talk about
[00:51:52.980] it. I could talk about the people I lost in death. I could talk about crazy shit that happened to me
[00:51:57.420] when I was younger. I could go through it all. And I'd be like, I'm not ready to talk about that
[00:52:01.360] because I went through therapy. I've dealt with my emotions. I'll go through my brain. I hold
[00:52:05.980] myself accountable. So I know how to talk about these things and articulate myself in a way that
[00:52:10.260] it comes through where you can understand me and still be like, even though I've came this far,
[00:52:14.480] I know where I still need to grow at. Cause I look at myself every day and I'm like, yo,
[00:52:18.820] I got this. I can do this. You know what I mean? I'm a King. I'm powerful. I'm worthy and wise.
[00:52:23.100] I'm loving, you know what I mean? Like, and I know how to empower myself before I even speak
[00:52:27.540] to anybody. I have to carry that energy in my frequency. So when I'm talking, when I shake
[00:52:31.920] somebody's hand that they could feel it, that ain't like, Oh, Gil, he's got himself in a space
[00:52:36.660] where he knows who he is and he doesn't have everything figured out, but damn it. If I want
[00:52:41.080] to figure something out i'm gonna try he said to the handshake you know he said you should know
[00:52:45.580] by my handshake that my house is it's an order baby you know you gotta feel the energy you know
[00:52:52.700] you gotta you gotta bring that with you wherever you go because that's that's who you are i like
[00:52:56.500] to leave with my spirit man i don't i don't like to and i've noticed too i i like my isolation so
[00:53:05.440] much now because i usually go around people or i'm around people throughout my week at work
[00:53:11.620] that are low frequency people they don't deal with their stuff they just kind of like you know
[00:53:16.400] i mean go with the flow of things and that's why a lot of times i don't even i used to want to put
[00:53:21.840] my opinion on people so much but like they come to me with something and i want i want to give
[00:53:26.840] them a solution so bad but they might not be at the place of their life to hear the solution
[00:53:30.660] sometimes people just need to vent you just seem like yo i got you bro you know anything you need
[00:53:34.720] and just let them go you know i mean because a lot of times people need to go through a couple
[00:53:38.740] things like yeah you got to be empathetic and realize too like when your teenagers are going
[00:53:44.340] through something crazy you can't be like yo man i just lost twenty thousand dollars on a bad
[00:53:50.180] account for someone i got to deal with that at school tomorrow or work you know what i mean like
[00:53:55.120] you can't minimize their problems you can't do that with people and sometimes people are not
[00:54:00.200] always just ready to like I'm the last one to judge anyone for drinking or anything like that
[00:54:05.760] you know but it's usually not like you have one bad experience and then you quit drinking it's
[00:54:11.280] usually like a slow thing where people are telling you for a while then finally it's like okay you
[00:54:16.580] learn what that accountability means learn what's saying like okay if I'm in this situation you know
[00:54:22.260] like I like I said this morning what did I do because I have enough control over my business
[00:54:28.490] in my hobbies that I should not be up as late as I was. It was more like something I was going
[00:54:34.350] through with insomnia that I just channeled into creating rather than just lay there and be
[00:54:39.130] nervous. You know what I mean? Because I've dealt with that and I've been through times of insomnia
[00:54:44.170] and it's like, okay, that's when I pray. I prayed for like an hour Tuesday night when I was up
[00:54:49.550] because I was like, that's what's going to bring my center back. That's what's going to help with
[00:54:55.190] the attention. And even if there's nothing but the science, if you want to be scientists and you
[00:55:01.550] get upset that I'm spiritual and Gil is, then think about the fact that you're just focusing
[00:55:07.890] your mind on centering, relaxing, things like that. That should have its own effect in bringing
[00:55:14.970] you back to normal. And then last night I was like, man, all I got to do is just set this up
[00:55:20.630] for the video to export out and i'll have more done as of tomorrow i was like no i deserve it
[00:55:26.710] to gill he's coming through we have everything set up i literally can just walk in tomorrow
[00:55:31.250] this would have taken a ton of time to set up if i didn't do last night but i got eight hours of
[00:55:36.350] sleep so did that's amazing left at i i went into jujitsu and i said hey i got a hard stop at 10
[00:55:43.770] you know what i mean we didn't do a ton of extra rolling around today but um everything came and
[00:55:49.360] then as soon as i pull up you're like hey i'm a little bit early like you know what i mean like
[00:55:53.300] who if you're early you're usually like 10 12 you were like 34 minutes early and so was i
[00:56:00.060] i was like all right the frequencies is aligned that's the shit i'll be talking about bro like
[00:56:05.280] we didn't even know it just happened you know what i mean but you carry yourself a certain way just
[00:56:09.000] it seems to work out for you you know i mean because i was like damn i am a little bit early
[00:56:12.680] and then i call you and here you go i was like that's crazy bro just pulling up that's insanity
[00:56:17.780] bro i mean that's that's the way i like to live life just being as prepared as i can be and um
[00:56:24.200] when you really know yourself you know things that hold you back like what keeps what makes
[00:56:30.660] me late all the time like without you admitting it out in the public you know in your mind what
[00:56:35.400] keeps you late what makes you be rude to a person what makes you do this you might not want to
[00:56:39.820] vocalize it yet because maybe you didn't fully wrap your head and emotions around it but you
[00:56:43.520] know it in your heart this is a lot of things that we feel uncomfortable about sharing and that's why
[00:56:48.640] like i know i always always say to people about therapy or find somebody that you love that you
[00:56:54.420] genuinely respect that you could just vent to and talk about things in your head because leaving all
[00:56:58.720] that shit in your head is gonna make you lash out one day on the wrong person and it can two seconds
[00:57:04.340] it could really change your life punch the wrong person face shoot the wrong person and you know
[00:57:08.660] what i mean do something go rob somebody do something stupid cuss the wrong person out get
[00:57:13.700] fired you know i mean at work say something really painful malicious to somebody that you loved and
[00:57:19.600] respect and now y'all relationship is now fractured because of that i try to keep myself mindful of
[00:57:25.640] all these things because a good person like for the for the rest of my life i could get up right
[00:57:30.780] now and say something happened where i wasn't able to speak to you not because we had beef just our
[00:57:35.460] lives once and i was never able to speak to you again and say afterwards i heard a year from now
[00:57:41.840] you got mad and shot somebody and they had an interview with me it was like yo but i didn't
[00:57:47.340] know tony was a bad person i was like tony was never a bad person you know i mean it was like
[00:57:51.440] maybe something happened from the last time i've seen him that made him go down that path but he
[00:57:55.600] was never a bad he was a good man and i have all these experiences that show that you know i mean
[00:58:00.580] your character is what i'm forever going to remember and i always stand by that so that's
[00:58:05.240] what i mean like it's just kind of when when you when you could get yourself in a in a good space
[00:58:11.260] and really affect people in a in a positive way you know and um know that you tried your best
[00:58:17.260] like i meant i made the whole jogging thing like some days i can't run to the finish line i gotta
[00:58:21.500] i gotta jog today sometimes it might be a walk bro maybe even a crawl but guess what you didn't
[00:58:26.780] stay stagnant you didn't stay still and for that anybody that at least crawled today if that's all
[00:58:32.200] you can do, I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you because there's people that stand still and then
[00:58:37.300] years pass by and they're in that same spot. But if you crawl in today, a year from now,
[00:58:42.880] the person that stood still is not, that was next to you can no longer see you. That's how far away
[00:58:47.700] you got. And that's how much you progressed in your life. And people look at the small steps
[00:58:52.920] and they shun on them, but you'd be surprised how far you can go with through just consistency
[00:58:57.060] ceiling and willpower. And that's how I like to live my life, bro. Just if I can't run today,
[00:59:03.820] damn it, I'm a crawl. You know what I mean? Sure, man. What's the rest of the day look like? You
[00:59:09.370] crawling or got a lot of going on? I'm going to try to crawl, but the way my life is going nuts.
[00:59:16.290] Yeah. I mean, it might, it might be. Yeah. Cause you know, my kids are in dance and there's always
[00:59:20.050] a lot of random stuff happening, but I like to always leave space, you know what I mean? To where
[00:59:25.930] i can get my mind right and um to be simple meditations or sometimes i try to i need to
[00:59:32.890] read more the one year i was reading a little bit more but i want to start reading more challenging
[00:59:37.890] myself to read again and and quiet my mind that way because i'm really good with meditation but
[00:59:42.970] actual like using that time to read i don't for some reason my brain's not good with doing that
[00:59:47.650] yeah that's something i'm working on i want to read more than i actually do my wife reads crate
[00:59:52.090] bro tanya read freaking 50 something books this year already like she's 50 yeah she's going in
[00:59:58.970] physical or audio books um she likes physical she doesn't like audio as much she doesn't like
[01:00:04.010] audio like she well she'll listen to certain things audio but like she um like she loves
[01:00:08.950] like getting the book holding it yeah for sure reading like sure she likes she'll have her tablet
[01:00:14.250] for certain things she'll read on it um but she loves like actual book in her hand i'm trying to
[01:00:19.670] do that more it's just that's that's my struggle oh man i'll be like man like i'll be trying to so
[01:00:25.610] bad it'll be like i don't feel like reading these damn words i read a lot on a screen but uh i'm big
[01:00:32.470] on audiobooks i got limited sight in this one eye so it's like a little it's like i wanted to get
[01:00:40.320] into audio before i lose it all my stuff i do now like just in case i completely lose sight in my
[01:00:45.840] right eye i want to like train myself like as dumb as it sounds even when i'm training that's
[01:00:52.510] why i got into grappling and not so much striking because i've had disadvantage so i don't know
[01:00:58.650] so you hear that right shoulder and uh right eye disadvantage so
[01:01:03.840] i gotta take both of them and wear a patch over both my eyes so until he heals he is a master of
[01:01:10.380] gun food like just know that before you try to get the drop on i mean no yeah there's a lot of
[01:01:17.900] people that train and carry think about it like john wick had that stuff to fall back on in case
[01:01:24.820] the other guy was able to disarm him yeah that's true you know how many times they got him out of
[01:01:29.960] a situation he's getting his ass kicked and just boom he's like okay i fixed that problem but we'll
[01:01:35.780] end on that man i'm gonna land the plane we've been going about an hour we'll chop some we'll
[01:01:40.280] make a good episode about it, man. Happy anniversary. And thank you for pushing me
[01:01:44.620] into this endeavor, man. I appreciate it. Yeah, man. I'm always here and I'm proud of you, bro.
[01:01:48.480] Keep it going. I will not lose, baby. I will not lose. Thank you for listening.
[01:01:53.760] Thank you for listening to another episode of I Will Not Lose Podcast. To support the show,
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